HAPPY MAY EVERYONE!  

Finally!!!  The sunshine and warmth is here!  Hooray!

With the month of May upon us, I’m declaring it to be the Month of Lovers…Nature Lovers that is :)
 
But, before I get to that, I want to say a HUGE Thank You to the Sold Out crowd of absolutely incredible women that attended my Refocus, Recharge, Re-energize workshop on Friday, May 3rd at the Willows.

What a great day!  We explored what our ideal lives look like, talked about the importance of
self-esteem and self-confidence to being the happy people we deserve to be, we set goals, turned obstacles into strategies to ensure we successfully reach those goals, we laughed…
oh how we laughed!  And we learned all kinds of stress management techniques through the day.  We were so relaxed by the end of the day that we melted like butter!

I’m offering the workshop again on Friday, September 20th, so if you missed the first one you can register now on our website http://www.penneymurphy.com/events.html or simply send me an email at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .  

Plus…you can save $25 with our Early Bird Discount if you register before June 20th!  We are over 1/3 sold out already, so register now to ensure your spot.


Okay, back to the topic of the May newsletter.

     There's been a hoot owl howlin' by my window now, for six nights in a row ~ Michael Martin Murphey (from the song Wildfire).

Some of you may recall that I mentioned in my April 2012 newsletter that my husband Brent & I took a risk and sold our family home without any plans on where we would live next. 

We knew we wanted a new beginning, a major change in lifestyle, but we weren’t sure at the time where life would take us.  

Well, here we are a year later and I thought I would give you an update on where our journey has taken us.

Last May along with our house, we sold most of our belongings and moved with our handsome daschund Augie into a tiny 2 bedroom apartment just a few blocks away from the home we lived in for over 22 years.  This became our temporary home for almost 8 months.

It had been a dream for many years for us to live in the country.

I think at times as much as we loved the notion, we believed it would it was an impossible dream.  But with our family home sold, we felt a new found freedom and realized the time was finally right.

We bought 18 acres of land and had a home built and we moved in the week before Christmas.  

I can honestly tell you that living in the country has been even better than we had hoped.

Our home is a cottage and the most outstanding feature has got to be the windows.  No matter where we are in the house, we are able to look out and enjoy the nature that surrounds us.

     We need the tonic of wilderness...
     At the same time that we are earnest  
     to explore and learn all things, we
     require that all things be mysterious
     and unexplorable, that land and sea
     be indefinitely wild, unsurveyed and
     unfathomed...We can never have
     enough of nature.
     ~ Henry David Thoreau


Being a city girl for the majority of my life, I had little to no understanding of how great the impact of nature would be.
 
Last night as we were in bed watching the pink and orange sunset, we looked out the sliding glass doors in our bedroom to see a Hoot Owl (or a Great Horned Owl as it’s also known), perched atop one of the trees overlooking one of our ponds.  It was calling to its mate who resides in the trees to the east of us.

Speaking of our ponds, we are lucky to share the water with 3 beavers, the largest of which we have named Justin … (Justin Beaver…sounds like Justin Bieber…get it?) :)  They have built a house along the bank of one pond, and have a large lodge built on another.

The pond is also currently home to a soon to be Mother Goose and her devoted mate, countless ducks, and a lone loon.

We are amazed and delighted by the V’s of geese flying overhead.  It is so quiet that quite often we can hear the air flowing through their wings.

We hear the drumming of grouse in the bushes next to us, and we hear the cackle of Sandhill cranes, and beautiful black ravens.

We see herds of deer every day, happily running & jumping through the fields of wild grass and we even had a few visits from a moose calf venturing out of the bushes to enjoy some sunshine and a drink of water at the pond.
 
I can’t find the words to truly express the joy and delight I experience on a daily basis watching all of these extraordinary creatures and having the privilege of now living among them in their habitat.

And then there are the stars!  The night sky comes alive with them in massive numbers.  The moon lights up the darkness so much that at times it seems like someone has a spotlight on in the middle of the night.

The sunrises and the sunsets are breathtaking.

I realize I may be going on and on, but it really is that incredible!!!

I have never felt such peace, joy and contentment.  Even the drive to and from town is relaxing…it seems any stress melts off when I’m on the highway.

Certainly I could have taken more opportunities to be out in nature when we lived in the city, but somehow I always seemed to be rushing to do something or another...I didn't take advantage of the chance to just sit, be still and observe.  

Now after just a few short months living in the country, I can't imagine a day with out doing just that...sitting, being quiet and still and taking in all that nature is offering.   
 
My only hope is that I never take any of this for granted.  It is a blessing for which I give thanks many times a day.

I wanted to share my experience with you in case this is missing in your life. I encourage you to give yourself the gift of nature, even if it only means a drive in the country, a walk in the park or sitting by a campfire under a starry sky…and just enjoy.  Take it in and relish the beauty and absolute awesomeness.  If, like me, most of life has been spent in the city…venture out just a little. If you aren’t already…become a nature lover. 
It will do wonders in terms of stress relief…I guarantee it!

I have included an article in this month's newsletter entitled “The Benefits of Enjoying Nature” that I hope you will find interesting. If you aren't already on our newsletter email list, be sure to sign up right here on our website.
 
Speaking of lovers…as in your ‘Couple Relationship’…I 've got an exciting opportunity for you.  In addition to the Refocus, Recharge, Re-energize workshop I am hosting in September, I am also looking forward to the Reconnect, Relax, Recharge Couples Retreat that will be held at the beautiful Elkridge Resort November 15th & 16th located just outside of the Prince Albert National Park (it’s about a 35 – 40 minute drive from PA with beautiful forest on each side of the highway).   

Nestled among the pines, we will start with a Wine & Cheese reception on Friday night and then spend all day Saturday exploring and identifying what you want your ideal life together to be like in the future.  We’ll do some dreaming, some planning, some reconnecting and definitely some relaxing while enjoying the luxurious facilities in the Elkridge lodge.

And then we’ll finish the day with a very special date night including an incredible meal, some good wine and some fun!

I’ve included all of the details below and if you are interested in attending with the love of your life, be sure to send me an email to register.  There is a maximum of 20 couples so register early to guarantee your spot.  To help with your budgeting, If you would like to make payments in installments, just let me know.  
 
I leave you now with a few of my favorite quotes about nature.  Enjoy!

      I go to nature to be soothed and
      healed, and to have my senses put in
      order. ~ John Burroughs
 
      Nature is so powerful, so strong.
      Capturing its essence is not easy -
      your work becomes a dance with light
      and the weather. It takes you to a
      place within yourself.
      ~ Annie Leibovitz
 
      It is not so much for its beauty that
      the forest makes a claim upon men's
      hearts, as for that subtle something,
      that quality of air that emanation from
      old trees, that so wonderfully
      changes and renews a weary
      spirit. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Have a wonderful May!  I sincerely hope
you can find the time or make the time this month to enjoy nature.
 
Be good to yourself and the ones you love.

Kindest Regards,

Penney

Penney Murphy
B.A., B.S.W., M.S.W., R.S.W.
President/Owner

HAPPY APRIL EVERYONE!

It must be coming...the warmth and sunshine we hope for with spring. Unfortunately, as much as we would like Mother Nature to follow our schedules...she appears to have a mind of her own. It seems everyone is fed up with the lingering snow, grey sky and cool temperatures...and we're getting grumpy! Yikes!

But I have some good news. Over the past few days I have seen flocks of geese returning. That's got to be a good sign doesn't it? One would hope the pelicans and the robins can't be far behind.

Before I get to the theme of this month's newsletter, I wanted to let you know that my Refocus, Re-charge, Re-energize Workshop for Women on Friday May 3rd is completely sold out! What an incredible response...thank you!!!

I am really excited about meeting the great group of women who will be attending...it's going to be a fantastic day!

Because of the interest and demand, I am offering the workshop again on Friday, Sept 20th...the details about the workshop, and registration including an Early Bird Discount can be found on our Events page on the website.

In addition, I am currently working on a Refocus, Recharge, Re-energize Workshop for Couples that will be held in the fall. This relaxing retreat will take place at the beautiful Elkridge Resort.

I will be limiting the number of couples to ensure an intimate and incredible experience for everyone attending, and I will have all of the details for you in our May newsletter, so stay tuned!

Speaking of Elkridge, I had the pleasure of spending some alone time there last week, and the theme for this month's newsletter bubbled up as a result.

One thing that I have learned about myself is that I have a tendency to get restless. For me, the restless feeling is a signal that I need change...either on the personal level or at work.

The feeling usually begins quietly enough, however if I don't pay attention to it at the outset, it has a habit of developing a stronger voice to get my attention, similar to an internal ache. And I have learned to pay attention to this restlessness and embrace it because I know it is an opportunity for personal growth and learning, both of which are very important to me.

And as much as I love being in my office, I find it helpful for my restless spirit to get away and work in a different location.

So, as I mentioned I took the opportunity to visit Elkridge for a few days. I particularly love it there in the 'snowy' season as it is quiet and during the week I feel like I've got the place to myself.

The sunshine streaming through the windows, the amazing pines, the luxurious lodge, and the big sky make for the perfect environment for me to relax and concentrate on writing and creating.

My life is always busy...no different than yours. And being away, out of the regular routine, I was struck by the realization of how powerful and peaceful it was to have time alone, just with my thoughts. No rushing. No distractions. Not having to be concerned with the needs of others...just time for me. The solitude was a welcome relief to be honest.

I made a point of turning off my cellphone, unplugging my laptop, and not turning on the tv...I was disconnected from the world, if only for a brief while.

I went for a lot of walks among the trees, I went swimming in the early morning and had the pool to myself, and I treated myself to a relaxing visit to the spa. I had some wonderful meals sitting alone staring out the windows of the restaurant. I read...a lot. All of the things that I love to do ... when/if I have the time. I slowed down and luxuriated in the fact that this time I was spending was just for me. I guess you could call it a gift to self. And I didn't realize how very much I needed it until it was happening.

In the solitude, away from the worries and distractions of every day life, my mind was free to wander and to dream. I had the time to do a lot of thinking about who I am, who I want to be, to consider my priorities, to ask myself questions.

The solitude provided me an opportunity to step back and look at the landscape of my life, to contemplate what makes me happy, to understand more fully what success means to me and specifically what it looks like. I find my definitions of happiness and success have changed over the years.

There was some serious self talk going on, peeling back the layers and the expectations, until I was able to get re-acquainted with my true self.

From a place of honesty I was able to consider the obstacles that are holding me back from living my best life, some of which are created by external circumstances, and admittedly others of my own creation.

And finally, with all of my information gathered and prioritized, with a clear game plan for moving forward, obstacles real and perceived identified, and solutions firmly in place in my mind, I left my island of solitude feeling completely recharged and excited.

I've heard it said that solitude is the soul's holiday...that was certainly true for me.

If this is striking a cord with you, I have a few suggestions that I hope will be helpful.

Check out the article included in this month's newsletter called 6 Reasons You Should Spend More Time Alone: The Healthy Benefits of Solitude for your reference.  If you don't already receive our monthly newsletter, be sure to sign up for it on our website.  

Regardless of whether you can take a couple of days to escape, or if you only have a few minutes, you will benefit from a little solitude in your life...I guarantee it.

If you read the agenda for my Refocus, Recharge, Re-energize workshop as outlined on the Events page of our website, you will see that we will be focusing on many of the same themes.

If you are restless...or wanting to take some time to focus on 'you' I encourage you to consider spending the day with me on Friday, Sept 20th. You'll be glad you did!

Or if you would prefer a more personal 'one on one' approach and assistance to discover who you are and who want to be, be sure to let me know. This is the area of work that I love to do. And while I only see a handful of clients, I offer 90 minute sessions so we can do some good work together.

I leave you now with a few of my favorite quotes on Solitude. Enjoy!

     To make the right choices in life
     you have to get in touch with your soul.
     To do this, you need to experience
     solitude, which most people are afraid
     of, because in the silence you hear the
     truth and know the solutions.
     ~ Deepak Chopra

     Others inspire us, information feeds us,
     practice improves our performance,
     but we need quiet time to figure things
     out, to emerge with new discoveries, to
     unearth original answers.
     ~ Dr. Ester Buchholz

     The insight we gain from solitude has
     very little to do with the amount of time
     we spend alone. It has a lot more to do
     with the quality of time we spend with
     ourselves. ~ Jan Johnson Drantell

Enjoy the month of April. I hope you find solitude when you need it, so that you can reconnect with what's important to you.

Be good to yourself and the ones you love. And it wouldn't hurt to think thoughts of sunshine and warmth just to encourage Mother Nature a little!

Kindest Regards,
Penney

Penney Murphy
B.A., B.S.W., M.S.W., R.S.W.
President/Owner
Penney Murphy & Associates
Registered Counsellors and Consultants

 

HAPPY MARCH EVERYONE!

Ah, March...the first day of Spring. It can't come soon enough!
I don't know about you, but I am sooo ready to be done with winter and all of that snow! Be gone heavy winter coats, cold weather, wind chills, and icy roads. Bring on warmth, melting, and green.

Of course our beautiful earth changes all of the time, but with spring, the changes are so dramatic. We can't help but see everything coming to life again, the grass bursting through the snow, the leaves developing on trees, color returning to the landscape that has been draped in white snow which turns then to brown dull muck.
 
Spring brings with it rejuvenation. There is a renewed sense of hope, optimism and possibilities. Spring provides us with a feeling of a new beginning or perhaps a second chance. Change, rejuvenation and renewal are part of nature itself and also part of our very nature as human beings too.

Spring inspires me to consider ways in which I can renew and rejuvenate on a personal level.

Of course, one can make big changes in life, but I find that even small changes can make a big difference in this process.

For example, a couple of weekends ago, I came into the office on a Saturday when no one was around and did an office spring cleaning which involved rearranging the furniture in our front reception area. It's amazing how much different the area looked just by shifting furniture around. As I stood back and looked upon the new arrangement, it felt like a whole new room...my perspective was shifted along with the furniture. On Monday, my colleagues noticed it immediately as did our clients. It was a talking point and seemed to bring new life and energy to our space all because of a simple change.

Last Sunday I was preparing a salad to go with our dinner. The green onions and fresh bunches of radishes I picked up the day before reminded me of spring. I took a moment to pause and enjoy the color and aroma of both as I cleaned and chopped them. It occurred to me in that moment that we had been in a sort of food slump of late...eating the same old meals all of the time. So as a result, I was inspired to try some new recipes to change things up a bit. Again, a simple change, but what a difference it can make!

Perhaps this reaction to spring and a need for change is universal. I noticed that this month's Oprah magazine has the word 'DECLUTTER' in big red letters across the cover. That certainly is a great way to feel rejuvenated!

Decluttering can be helpful in so many areas of our life to help us to feel renewed and rejuvenated... of course we think of our physical environment and possessions at home or at work, but what about decluttering our minds?  In this month's newsletter you will find an article to help you do just that called "15 Can't Miss Ways to Declutter Your Mind". It's a really good read. And please remember, that if you are struggling with a 'cluttered mind' and want some relief...we can help. Call us at 242.1010 or book an appointment online at www.penneymurphy.com

By the way, if decluttering your closet and your wardrobe are in your spring plans, my friend Lori Leach, the very cool and extremely creative leader at Kinetic told me about a wonderful community program she is involved with called Dress for Success Saskatoon.  Check out the website at (http://www.dressforsuccess.org/affiliate.aspx?sisid=226&pageid=1).

The mission of Dress for Success is to promote the economic independence of disadvantaged women by providing professional attire, a network of support and the career development tools to help women thrive in work and in life. So if you have any business wear, purses, jewelry, etc., that you no longer need, why not consider donating to this great cause which helps local women right here in Saskatoon. Now that's rejuvenating...and exciting!!!

Another way to get rejuvenated is by attending our 1 day workshop for Women called Refocus, Recharge, Re-energize. I'm hosting the event on Friday, May 3 at the Willows Golf and Country Club. We are already over 50% sold out... if you are interested in attending, make sure you send me an email at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it to register. Below I have included a detailed agenda of the day for your interest.

The possibilities for renewal are endless...spending time outdoors in nature, learning something new, taking up a new sport or activity or revisiting an old favorite, or even pausing to simply breathe, all help with the process. It's just a matter making yourself a priority. So instead of the same old, same old...can you consider what small changes you can make to rejuvenate or renew yourself, your space or your perspective? Get out of the winter rut...refresh your senses, your perspective and yourself. You'll feel alive and full of life. And what's better than that?

I leave you now with a few quotes about spring that I hope will inspire you.

          Nature often holds up a mirror so we can
          see more clearly the ongoing processes of
          growth, renewal, and transformation in our
          lives. ~ Author Unknown

          An optimist is the human personification of
          spring. ~ Susan J. Bissonette

          The beautiful spring came; and when Nature
          resumes her loveliness, the human soul is
          apt to revive also.~ Harriet Ann Jacobs

Enjoy the month of March my friends. May you feel renewed, rejuvenated and refreshed with the coming of Spring.
Be good to yourself and the ones you love.
Kindest Regards,
Penney

Penney Murphy
B.A., B.S.W., M.S.W., R.S.W.
President / Owner
Penney Murphy & Associates
Registered Counsellors and Consultants

Happy February Everyone!
 
I am so excited about our February newsletter because I have so much to tell you about!  If you don't already receive our newsletter, be sure to sign up right here on our website!
 
But first things first.  
 
I always love to have a theme for our newsletters, and this month's comes easy.  Stay with me!
 
Every February we think about hearts.  Of course, Valentine's day comes to mind...but we also think about February as being 'Heart' Month in terms of our tickers.  
 
While there has been much research over the years on the effects that stress has on the heart, the research has predominantly focused on men and their heart health, with the findings then simply being generalized for women.  
 
However, I came across new research which was recently released from the Women's Health Study. This study was conducted over a period of 10 years by several researchers in the U.S., and should be an eye opener for women.  
 
Quite simply, the research found conclusive evidence that stressful jobs hurt the female heart.  Women who have a lot of stress at work appear to be facing a significantly greater cardiovascular risk than those with less stressful jobs.   
 
Researchers at Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston found that high job stress contributes to cardiovascular risk either through behavioral responses to stress (i.e. increased smoking, increased consumption of alcohol, depression, etc.) or through physiological processes like
stress-induced hypertension.  
 
Stress is everywhere, and everyone experiences it.

A little stress can be a good motivator...too much stress can be a killer...literally!
In addition to stress affecting our heart health, we also know that stress is directly and indirectly linked to many types of cancer, weight gain, sleep disruption and more.  
 
What this research tells us is that most people do not have effective coping skills for dealing with stress, and as a result, it is affecting their health in very serious ways.  This is true for both men and women.
 
I have found this to be the case in my work as well.  The majority of people I work with in my clinical practice have never been taught about stress, its symptoms, the negative impact that it has on our health, what occurs in our bodies when we are under stress...nor do they know about effective techniques to manage stress.  For the most part, we seem to muddle through until we simply can't cope anymore and then we hit a wall.  Stress overwhelms us.  
 
So for the sake of our hearts and our health in general...I have some great news in terms of managing stress.  Three bits of great news in fact!
 
Firstly, I am thrilled to announce that I am offering a day long Workshop for Women on Friday, May 3rd in Saskatoon.  This has been many months in the planning.  
 
It's called Refocus, Recharge & Re-energize.  
 
We'll spend the day together exploring what you need to feel happier, successful and fulfilled.  
 
You will have the opportunity to discover what you really want from life, and what is truly important to you, both personally and professionally.  
 
You will learn to prioritize your goals, and identify and overcome any limitations or obstacles that may be holding you back from achieving success in all areas of your life.  
 
We'll spend some time further developing your
self-confidence and self-esteem.  
 
Throughout the day we will be focusing on stress management and learning effective techniques, so you can be healthy & happy.   
 
It will be a day packed with laughter, pampering, learning and reflection...a chance for you to make yourself a priority!  

The cost is $150.00 per person and includes all materials, lunch, prizes and a complimentary glass of champagne at the end of the day as we toast to your success.  
 
I will offer you proven steps to help you to take your life from good to GREAT!
 
I guarantee you will leave feeling Refocused, Recharged, Re-energized and RELAXED.   
 
In past, the demand has been very high for this type of workshop and we sell out early.  As space is limited, I would recommend you reserve your seat today!  
 
For more information, check out the second article below.  
 
If you are interested in attending, send me email to

This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

to reserve your seat.  
 
Sorry fellas...the May 3rd event is specifically for women.  But I will be offering a co-ed version of this workshop for both men and women in the near future.  I'll keep you posted...but in the meantime, be sure to let the important women in your life know about the event!
 
If your company would like to offer this workshop as a private employee event, or if you live in a community outside of Saskatoon and would like to arrange for a workshop to be held in your area, (I love the opportunity to travel around our great province), please send me an email at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it to make arrangements.
 
The second bit of exciting news I have to share with you is about an event that will be a great stress buster and also good for your heart!  It's a fantastic fitness fundraising event for the Saskatoon City Hospital and Royal University Hospital Foundations.  It's called Bust a Move for Breast Health.  Everybody knows that exercise is great for reducing stress, plus it will be a whole lot of fun.  Read all about it in the last article of our newsletter.
 
And thirdly, in terms of stress management, of course any of our counselling staff at Penney Murphy & Associates can help you if you are struggling with stress.  Give us a couple of hours and you'll notice a big difference in your life! Visit our website at www.penneymurphy.com to take a look at all of the counsellors and their availabilities.  
 
On a side note, I want to send my sincere thanks to SaskBusiness Magazine for selecting me as one of  the Saskatchewan Women of Influence in their January/February 2013 edition.   I am honored and humbled to be included with such inspirational and incredible women.  Thank you.  
 
I leave you now with a couple of my very favorite quotes about stress:  
 
     Stress is like spice - in the right proportion it
     enhances the flavor of a dish.  Too little
     produces a bland, dull meal: too much may
     choke you. ~ Donald Tubesing
 
     At any time, you can rethink your life and
     reinvent yourself.  ~ Denise Pitre
 
     There must be quite a few things that a hot
     bath won't cure, but I don't know many of  
     them. ~ Sylvia Plath
 
Have a fabulous February everyone!  For your hearts' sake, and for your Valentine's sake, be aware of your stress and do something about it.  
Be good to yourself and the ones you love.
Kindest Regards,
Penney
 
Penney Murphy
B.A., B.S.W., M.S.W., R.S.W.
President / Owner
Penney Murphy & Associates
Registered Counsellors and Consultants.  

Happy January Everyone!
 
I hope you all enjoyed some wonderful time with family and friends during your time off over the holidays.

I know that our office manager Megan did!  Megan and Zakk welcomed sweet baby Nola to the world on December 21st.  She was a healthy 7 pound 8 ounce bundle of joy arriving just in time for Christmas.  Our whole team here is absolutely delighted and we can’t wait to meet Nola.  Congratulations to the new family and to Grandpa & Grandma Larwood as well!
 
In past years, I have started the first newsletter of the year talking about goals, setting them and achieving them.  However, for 2013 my focus is on wellness, so you will find information in each newsletter for the next 12 months relating to this topic.

The theme for this month’s newsletter is one that I think a lot of people can relate to and it is something that many people don’t get enough of it.  I’m talking about sleep.
 
This is something that I have personally struggled with for years, for a couple of reasons.  The first being, as some of you may know, I spent the first half of my life doing the morning show alongside my husband Brent on CKOM radio and Brent still enjoys waking up the province on Newstalk 650 CKOM.

Working this shift requires a very early start. You get used to surviving, even thriving on a few hours of sleep and this becomes the norm.  Even though I have been ‘retired’ from radio for almost 9 years, I still keep the same hours.  Old habits die hard I guess, but I truly am a morning person.  I believe this to be the best time of the day as my energy and creativity levels are at their peak.  My friends and colleagues can attest to this as they open their inboxes to find emails from me sent in the wee hours :)
 
In addition, as a result of a head injury I suffered 13 years ago, thankfully I have only one lasting symptom...but it is sleep disturbance. I wake up a lot during the night, so not only is my sleep time short, but it is also interrupted.
 
Maybe because this has been my reality for such a long time, I hadn’t really given it much thought.  However I have become increasingly aware of just how many people are similarly affected. A lot of people just are not getting a good night sleep.
 
My female friends in the ‘50 something’ bracket tell me they can relate as difficulty sleeping is also associated with menopause.
 
My daughter Chels and now Megan, both with their new babies, and many other new moms are likely nodding their heads in agreement as well.
 
However, it was during the month of December when the subject really caught my attention and just wouldn’t let go.
Of course, December is a hectic month, with everyone hustling trying to get their shopping done, the groceries in, and all of the other responsibilities that come with the holidays taken care of.  But what struck me and what really bothered me was the number of faces I saw everywhere I went, that had obvious fatigue written all over them.
 
Everyone looked sooo tired!!!
 
In researching the topic of sleep or lack thereof, the word ‘epidemic’ kept coming up.  According to a study by the World Association of Sleep Medicine 60% of Canadian adults feel tired most of the time.  Canadian research suggests that 30% of adults get fewer than 6 hours of sleep a night, and 18% of these people get less than 5 hours of sleep.

Sleepiness and sleeplessness are threatening our health and the quality of our lives.
 
Study after study shows that a lack of sleep makes us more susceptible to heart disease, stroke, diabetes, and depression. A lack of sleep also affects our immune systems. In addition, French researchers have found a connection between sleepiness/lack of sleep and allergies.
 
If you are trying to lose weight, getting enough sleep is apparently an important factor in your success. Research at the University of Chicago shows a lack of sleep reduces our body’s ability to regulate the hormones that control hunger, leading to an increase in appetite as well as a tendency to reach for foods such as candy, cake and cookies rather than choosing fruit, vegetables or dairy products.  Researchers suggest that because the brain is fueled by glucose, we are drawn to simple carbohydrates when we are tired.
 
Furthermore, the American Academy of Sleep Medicine suggests that those who don’t get enough sleep are more likely to eat restaurant meals and fast food rather than cooking their own meals.  This often leads to weight gain among other health related problems.
 
When we don’t get enough sleep, our concentration suffers, our memory isn’t as sharp as it should be, our decision making is affected, we make more mistakes and have more accidents.  In addition, a lack of affects our moods, and as a result our interpersonal relationships often suffer, as we get irritable.    
 
So how much sleep is enough?  Experts recommend a minimum of 7-8 hours of sleep a night for adults to achieve optimum health.  For school aged children, 10 – 12 hours of sleep is good, and teenagers need at least 9 hours.
 
How do you know if you are getting enough sleep?  If you feel energetic when you wake up, then you have likely had adequate sleep.  Be honest...how many mornings would you say you felt energetic upon waking?
 
Why do so many people have trouble sleeping?  According to sleep researchers, stress is the biggest cause.  In my work, I find that many, many people don’t know how to manage stress effectively, and as a result, their quality of life is dramatically affected, in addition to their health, sleep and relationships.
 
Stress is everywhere and affects everyone.  My mission for 2013 is to educate as many people as possible about stress, it’s causes, signs/symptoms, and the effect it has on health, so if you would like to learn some effective and easy stress management techniques, please call us at Penney Murphy & Associates.  We can help!
 
If you are among the many who aren’t getting enough sleep, I’ve included two articles from the American Psychological Association that I hope you will find helpful.  The first article talks about how environment and behavior affect sleep and the second article offers tips for getting a good night’s sleep.
You will notice in this second article the mention of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to help people with insomnia and getting a better night's sleep in general.  We specialize in CBT, so don't hesitate to contact us if this would benefit you.  If you don't yet receive our monthly newsletter, please feel free to sign up on our website.  
 
Also, the Better Sleep Council Canada offers a sleep test on their website that you may find interesting.  http://www.bettersleep.ca/en/sleeptest-BSCC.htm
 
I think that often we feel overwhelmed by life, our responsibilities, our jobs...that we never feel like we are caught up....there is always something else we need to do.  Sadly as we try to find more hours in the day to get everything done, we are skimping on the hours we allow ourselves for sleep.  Sometimes it seems that operating on few hours of sleep is almost a badge of honor for some people.  The fact is though, that we need sleep in order to recharge our batteries, and to heal our bodies and minds.  Good sleep is essential for wellness.  Wellness is essential for a good quality of life.  
 
I leave you now with a few quotes about sleep that I like.  Can you relate?  
 
     When I want to go to sleep, I must first get a whole
     menagerie of voices to shut up. You wouldn't believe
     what a racket they make in my room. ~ Karl Kraus
 
     The best bridge between despair and hope is a good
     night's sleep. ~E. Joseph Cossman

     A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the
     doctor's book. ~Irish Proverb
 
 
Enjoy January and Happy New Year.  I hope 2013 is filled with many wonderful adventures, less stress and better sleep.  Be good to yourself and those you love.
Sweet dreams!
Kindest Regards,
Penney
 
Penney Murphy
B.A., B.S.W., M.S.W., R.S.W.
President/Owner
Penney Murphy & Associates
Registered Counsellors and Consultants

 

HAPPY DECEMBER EVERYONE!

It’s looking like a winter wonderland and it’s not even officially winter!  I’ll bet skiers and those with snow mobiles are rubbing their hands with delight!  

Well, here we are…heading toward the end of 2012.  The theme for our last blog of the year is a result of an event that occurred on a snowy, cold Saturday afternoon a couple of weeks ago.  We were coming in from out of town and our route had taken us through downtown Saskatoon.  We were planning an upcoming dinner party, so, because we were in the neighborhood, rather than phone, we thought we would pop in to a local restaurant to make the reservations.  The owner Stavros, a dear friend we have known for many, many years happened to be there and in his very hospitable and charming way, refused to let us leave before joining him in a glass of wine and some comfort food.  

It was one of those spontaneous things…totally unplanned.  It was unusual in that we had nothing else on our schedule.  We didn’t have to be anywhere in a hurry.  So we sat, we talked, we reminisced and we laughed.  A couple of hours went by and when we left, it was with a warm reminder of how incredible it feels to slow down, to spend time with friends and to just enjoy.  

All though we have been friends with Stavros and his family for years, we don’t often have the opportunity to spend a lot of time together.  I think there is something extra special about those friendships where, even after a long period of time not seeing one another, you can pick up right where you left off.  I’m really glad that they are in my life. It struck me as a blessing.  

On that note, certainly blessings come in many forms, but I started to think about all the people, past and present, whose presence has added something special to my life and made it all the richer.  In other words, I counted my blessings.  

A most recent blessing came to us on November 3rd.  We welcomed our sweet Granddaughter Pepper Ada Jean Jackson who weighed in at a very healthy 9 lbs. 14 oz.  She is a beauty!  I can’t wait to see her racing through our house causing trouble with our other Grandchildren, Shay and Adison. :)

I’m very blessed to have a husband who loves me to bits, and further blessed with absolutely fantastic children.  They are all grown now, and I admire them greatly.  Another blessing is having a great son-in-law and his wonderful family, along with two tremendous daughters-in-law.  I think that I don’t tell them often enough how much joy they all bring to my life.  I’ve got to thank them more.  That sounds like a good resolution for the New Year.  

I also think about my parents and grandparents.  I miss them all dearly, but I know for certain that I was blessed to be raised by such incredible people, all with strong and colorful personalities.  They taught me the importance of family, and of loving and encouraging one another…and as my Mother would have said ‘having one hell of a good time doing it’!  Their influence is always with me, shaping my life and purpose, as well as my view of the world.  For that, I am very grateful.  

I am blessed with some great friends who I truly enjoy spending time with and whom I appreciate more and more.  Another resolution for 2013 is to spend more time with all of you.

I think of my work family and how very lucky I am to spend my days with all of them.  A major blessing is Megan, our office manager who makes life at Penney Murphy & Associates absolutely remarkable.  Our Counselling Team - Darlene, Elizabeth, Brad, Myron, Jessi, Shannon, Garry, Garry, John, Crystal & Treena…Thank You.  The work you do changes lives…and it is awesome to witness it.  To our Clinical Supervisor Don Ebert…your wisdom is a blessing to us all and we are so very glad that we will have access to your genius around here for a long time to come :)

Speaking of Megan… we are will be sharing in another little blessing this month, as Megan is expecting her first child.  If the way in which Megan takes care of all of us here is any indication, this baby is going to be very fortunate!!!

While Megan is away on maternity leave, we will be in good hands with the latest addition to our staff.  Brittany Boeschen joined us a couple of months ago and has been benefitting from Megan’s very extensive training process, so things will no doubt run as smooth as silk.  Brittany is featured in our 20 Questions section so you can read her responses to the various questions and get to know her.  

On a side note, we are looking for an evening receptionist to join us in January, so if you know anyone who is interested in working with a great group of people for about 12 hours a week, please have them forward their resume to Megan at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .

Back to the topic of blessings, in this month's newsletter, I have included two articles for your reading pleasure.  I hope you find them interesting.  The upcoming holiday season is certainly a blessing for many, however, for those in recovery it can be a source of added stress, and as such, our lead Recovery Counsellor Brad Bodnarchuk provided some tips below.  If you don't yet receive our newsletter, be sure to sign up right here on our website. 

As I leave you with two of my favorite quotes, I hope that you have the opportunity to pause for a moment during this busy holiday season to count your blessings and to think of the people who add joy to your life.   It does the heart good.  

We need deliberately to call to mind the joys of our journey. Perhaps we should try to write down the blessings of one day. We might begin; we could never end; there are not pens or paper enough in all the world. ~ George A. Buttrick
 
Life is very short to argue and fight. Count your blessings, value your loved ones and move on with your head held high and a smile for everyone.  ~ Unknown

Happy Hanukkah to my Jewish friends, and wishing everyone else a Merry Christmas.  May you be blessed with the presence of the people dear to you during this holiday season.  And let’s hope 2013 is the best year yet!

As always, be good to yourself and the ones you love.  

Kindest Regards,
Penney

Penney Murphy
B.A., B.S.W., M.S.W., R.S.W.
President/Owner
Penney Murphy & Associates
Registered Counsellors and Consultants

Happy November Everyone!  

Well, the snow and cold wind sure put a quick end to our sunny warm fall didn’t it?  Let’s hope that this month’s weather will be like the November we enjoyed last year.   

The theme for our newsletter this month comes out of frustration.  Have you ever wanted something so badly that you could almost taste it?  Can you relate to the feeling that despite your best efforts, some things are simply out of your control, and you have to wait on other people and their timetables before you can get what you want?   
In a world where instant gratification is often the norm, I have come to learn a couple of hard lessons.  
I’m referring to two events in my life, both of which I am extremely excited about and can’t wait until they happen.  

The first is the arrival (any day now) of a new Grandbaby.  Our daughter Chels & her husband Alan are expecting a baby girl…the due date was October 25th, but no sign of her arrival at the point of this writing. Of course, the baby will come when she’s ready and when she does she will be welcomed with much love from her parents and both extended families.  It’s a wonderful thing!

It is the second event that has proved difficult.  For someone who likes to be in control and to plan & schedule, it has been a bit of a nightmare.  The fact that there is nothing I can do but wait has been a hard pill to swallow for a person who is an organizer and a ‘doer’.  

You may recall in our April newsletter I mentioned that my husband Brent & I made the big decision to sell our family home.  It sold in less than a day, and we were ripe and ready for a big new adventure.  
As the new owners of our home wanted to move in shortly after the sale, we had to make some big decisions and quick.  

For years we had talked about living in the country, and had spent countless hours driving down back roads in all directions dreaming and searching for the perfect spot.  Almost three years ago, we came across a piece of land that we fell in love with.  However, the time wasn’t right; we weren’t ready to give up our family home then.  

Well, call it fate or luck, that perfect piece of land that we fell in love with 3 years ago was still available in April, so we bought it and began our new adventure in earnest.  I didn’t want a city house so we found a great company who would build us a country cottage.  

Of course, this takes time.  

So in the meantime, the three of us (Brent, myself and our handsome daschund Augie) have been living in an apartment, the size of which is comparable to a cabin on a cruise ship, complete with the sliding glass doors and little tiny balcony.  All we are missing is the ocean and the ports of call!  

For any of you who may be considering selling your home to downsize to a condo, I would suggest renting first before buying.  It takes a LOT of getting used to!!!

Needless to say, we welcome any chance we get to leave our temporary abode.  We go out to visit the land several times a week, watching the progress.
 
You know, I’m a logical person…I like order and very much appreciate the fact that a successful project needs to proceed in a particular way, with one thing after another, until completion.   

What doesn’t sit well with me is being a bystander.  Waiting and watching, wondering when it will be complete.  I’m unable to plan because there are so many factors involved that are beyond my control.  
The latest information I have been given is that we will be able to move in to our new house in November…maybe.  

Life as I know it is on hold.  I’m in limbo…and I don’t like it.  The closer we get…the harder it is. I am IMPATIENT.  There … I’ve said it. If I thought stamping my feet and throwing a tantrum would do any good … (oops…I can hear my Mother’s voice….no, Penney…that is not acceptable behavior).     It’s not something I am proud of…but I have become increasingly aware that it is the truth.  

So what now?  Do I simply say to myself “Suck it up Princess”?  Or does this old dog learn a new trick…for example learning to be patient?  For your interest, I have included an article entitled “Patience and Tips on How to Develop It”. I’ll let you know how it turns out :)

Also in this edition of our newsletter you will meet Garry Prediger in the 20 Questions segment.  Garry is into fitness, motorcycles, fishing, and more.  He is a fantastic person and an absolutely great Counsellor.  Garry also does incredible consulting work helping companies and their employees through difficult situations.  I hope you enjoy getting to know him through the answers he has provided.  You can find Garry’s complete bio on our website at www.penneymurphy.com.  You can also book an appointment with Garry on our website as well.  

Back to the topic at hand, I leave you now with three quotes on patience that I really like:  

Patience is the art of hoping.
~  Luc de Clapiers

Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears.  
~  Barbara Johnson

With love and patience, nothing is impossible.  ~ Dr. Daisaku Ikeda

Perhaps it is something worth learning!  Wish me luck!
I hope you all have a splendid November and that you never have to wait too long for what you desire.  

Be good to yourself and the ones you love.

Kindest Regards,
Penney

Penney Murphy
B.A., B.S.W., M.S.W., R.S.W.
President/Owner
Penney Murphy & Associates
Registered Counsellors and Consultants.  
 

Happy October Everyone!

I hope you have been enjoying the fabulous warm & sunny fall weather we have had lately.  

I must admit fall is without a doubt my favorite season.  There is a certain
headiness that comes with the fall.  It seems to make the senses really come alive.  The angle of the sun, the crisp air, the cool mornings, the mid-afternoon heat, the clear night sky and that incredible moon, the crunching of leaves underfoot, wildlife on the move and of course…all of the vibrant and glorious colors!    

I am a huge fan of color and I am a big believer that color has an impact on our moods and state of mind.  I find the fall colors seem to exude such a feeling of comfort, of soothing, warmth and calm.  They make me want to wrap up in soft blankets for a leisurely snooze in a sunny spot, or put on a cozy wool cardigan and head out doors with a steaming cup of coffee to enjoy nature.  

Fall is such a great time for cooking, for comfort foods, for gathering.  Of course, fall brings the Thanksgiving feast, but as I’ve recently learned there are other wonderful eating events too!  I went to my first ever fall supper last year and absolutely loved it. I guess you can teach old dogs new tricks! I’m hoping to take in a few more this year.  

I find that fall has a certain sense of urgency to it, and with that comes a bit of melancholy as Nature sends us a reminder of the impermanence of life.  The gardens, just weeks ago brimming with vegetables, now enjoy a welcome rest.  The fields harvested of their crops await the covering of snow which will help them prepare for the cycle to begin again in the spring.  The trees now resplendent with color will soon turn bare and dormant. 

Perhaps we should think of the fall season as a metaphor for life … a brief time to be cherished, embraced and enjoyed.  It is a good time for a bit of reflection, and introspection.  

As much as I enjoy the fall, I know that the dwindling amount of daylight and sunshine can be a real issue for some.  Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD (which is a form of depression) typically occurs from October to April.  Geography seems to be an influence as SAD is more common among people living in northern climates.  Approximately 3 people out of 100 experience extreme symptoms related to the disorder.  A further 15 out of every 100 people have less severe symptoms and suffer with what’s commonly known as the Autumn or Winter Blues.  

Scientists suggest that Seasonal Affective Disorder occurs due to a lack of or a decrease in our exposure to sunlight.  
While the exact cause is unknown, it is believed that the decrease in sunlight affects our internal clock which controls our temperature and hormone levels.  

The amount of light that enters our eyes stimulates the nerve centers in the brain which control our daily rhythms and moods.   During the night, the Pineal gland secretes the hormone Melatonin (which makes us drowsy and induces the sleep process).  

The morning sunlight signals the Pineal gland to stop producing Melatonin and then the waking process can begin.  However, on dark winter mornings, we get less light into our eyes.  As a result, the Pineal gland doesn’t receive the signal to shut down Melatonin production, and many people find it very difficult to get up in the morning.  Furthermore, the lack of sunshine on cloudy, dull fall and winter days may cause some people to feel ‘low’ or depressed.
 
I’ve outlined some of the symptoms associated with the Autumn/Winter blues and Seasonal Affective Disorder in our October newsletter as well as some tips on how to avoid &/or lessen the symptoms so you can feel better and enjoy life more during the fall and winter months.   If you would like to receive our monthly newsletter, just sign up by clicking on the Newsletter link on our home page.  If you or someone you know deals with this, remember that we can help.  Book an appointment online on our website or call us at 242.1010.  

Now, going back to the topic of glorious fall, here are three of my favorite quotes that I hope you enjoy:  

Fall has always been my favorite season. The time when everything bursts with its last beauty, as if nature had been saving up all year for the grand finale.
- Lauren DeStefano

A solitary maple on a woodside flames in single scarlet,
recalls nothing so much as the daughter of a noble house
dressed for a fancy ball, with the whole family gathered
around to admire her before she goes.
- Henry James

The smile that flickers on baby's lips when she sleeps- does anybody know where it was borne? Yes, there is a rumor that a young pale beam of a crescent moon touched the edge of a vanishing autumn cloud, and there the smile was first born.
- Rabindranath Tagore  

The last quote really appeals to me as our daughter is about to have her first baby later this month.  :)

Have a wonderful month.  Perhaps Mother Nature will spoil us with more warm sunny weather for October! May you enjoy the colors and the feasts with the people who are most important to you.
Take care of yourself and the ones you love.   
Penney
Penney Murphy
B.A., B.S.W., M.S.W., R.S.W.
President/Owner
Penney Murphy & Associates
Registered Counsellors and Consultants.  

 

Happy August Everyone!

I hope you are all enjoying a wonderful summer. Luckily, we still have a few weeks of a more laid back existence until the regular routine of September arrives!

The attendance at a 50th birthday party in July spurred on the topic for this month's newsletter, which by the way falls nicely under my self-proclaimed theme of the "Summer of Self Care".

It was a splendid soiree for the birthday 'boy' whom I will adoringly call Anthony. An intimate group of 20 were called together to enjoy fabulous hospitality under an elegant white tent. Much fun was had by all as the party carried on into the wee hours of the night.

Upon leaving, each couple was presented with a handwritten note from Anthony thanking them for joining in his birthday celebration.   
In our note, Anthony wrote something that stuck with me and gave me pause for thought. He noted that for many years he had been of the belief that by the time he was 30 or so, he would have met all of the people who would become his friends, and hadn't expected to add any new ones to the list after that age. Since my husband Brent & I only met Anthony in recent years, he noted that he was pleased because we had proved him wrong in this belief, and he thanked us for our friendship.

While I could have said "I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks" I didn't. :)  
But the experience got me to thinking about the topic of friends.

I wondered if the definition of, or requirements for a 'friend' changes over time. Think back to when you were a kid. Certainly most of us had someone that we hung out with regularly and called our best friend (or what is considered a BFF now), but really anyone who was available to play at any given time was considered to be a friend for the most part.
While some people are able to maintain life-long friendships with their childhood mates, other people seem to stay 'friendly' with their childhood friends, but their inner circle of friends is comprised of people they have met as adults. I fall into this latter category.
 
Looking back at my own life I think about the many, many people I've met over the years. I would consider the majority to be acquaintances, those people you say hello to and perhaps share a laugh or a story with at a social event but it doesn't go any further than that.  
 
I have another category of people who I would consider to be 'casual friends', those who I hang out with on a semi-regular basis. These are people I really enjoy spending time with. We might go out for dinner or a cocktail or two, see a movie, or just catch up on each other's latest adventures.

Then during my research on the subject, I came across the words of Marlene Dietrich and they really made me think. She said "It's the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter".
 
I wondered, among all of the people that I know and consider to be friends...are there any that I could call at 4 a.m.? If I was in some kind of trouble, if I desperately needed help for any reason, who would I call? I must admit there aren't many...but there are some.

I know I could count on these few to assist me, without judgement, but rather with tenderness, compassion and love. This knowledge is good for the soul.

I mentioned earlier that the topic of friends fits nicely within the theme of my 'summer of self-care' that I wrote about in our June and July newsletters.

There is some research into the role that friendship plays in our lives that I thought you might find interesting.

According to the Mayo Clinic:  
        
•  Healthy friendships contribute to increased happiness as  we age.       

•  Being socially engaged with friends leads to an increase in positive emotions which help to boost our immune system and reduce stress.       
 
•  The friends you choose have an impact on you. If you have friends who are positive, supportive and encouraging  you will feel the positive benefits.   However, the reverse is also true. If the people you hang out with are negative, discouraging or depressed, they can bring you down.

As well, the Framingham Heart Study followed a group of 4,739 adults between 1983 and 2003 and their results showed that people tend to cluster into happy or unhappy groups, and happiness appears to spread not just to those immediately inside the social group, but to their contacts as well. Having happy friends who live less than a mile away was an especially powerful predictor of happiness.

Some food for thought.
 
In our newsletter below you will find more information about friends in an article entitled The Importance of Friendship for your reading pleasure. As the Summer Olympics are on in London right now, I have included a timely article that came across my desk "No Guts, No Glory: 10 Ways to Go After Your Goals Like an Olympian" that I hope you enjoy.
 
You will also be able to learn all about our very own Shannon Otchenash in this month's 20 Questions feature. Shannon is on our Evening Counselling Team and she is amazing. She has a wide area of specialization including anxiety, depression, stress, relationship issues, trust issues, self-confidence & self-esteem, and she does incredible work with teens and their parents as well. You can book an appointment with Shannon online on our website at www.penneymurphy.com if you are interested.
 
I'll finish off now with two more friendship quotes I really like:


     In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It
     is then burst into flame by an encounter with another
     human being. We should all be thankful for those people
     who rekindle the inner spirit. ~ Albert Schweitzer

     Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what
     you want is someone who will take the bus with you when
     the limo breaks down. ~ Oprah  

 
Have a wonderful August everyone!  Here’s to friendship in all its glory. I hope you have all the friends you want, and at least one friend in your life you can call at 4 in the morning if the need ever arises.

Take care of yourself and the ones you love.

Kindest Regards,
Penney

Penney Murphy
B.A., B.S.W., M.S.W., R.S.W.
President / Owner
Penney Murphy & Associates.      

 

Happy July Everyone!

Even though summer officially arrives in the month of June, it is July that truly represents summer for me.  In anticipation of writing our July newsletter, I was thinking about all of the things that I remember about summer as a child.  

Memories flood in of fantastic summer days spent at Waskesiu in the 60’s and 70’s, camping in our trailer, fishing at the Narrows, riding horses, visiting Fluff n Stuff for a sugary treat, catching a movie at the musty, damp theatre on a rainy day, and a highlight indeed was taking a drive to the dump to see the bears.

Summer is a delight to the senses.  Is there anything better than the aroma of bacon cooking outdoors?  Is there anything colder than the water in the campground showers?  

I also fondly recall summer sleep overs, garden raiding, Mayfair pool, running around in flip flops (don’t call them thongs anymore or you’ll get teased like crazy!), and going through the sprinkler to cool off.  

It was a time of innocence, with no worries, and no responsibilities.  Summer seemed to go on forever.  Little did we know then that this carefree time would be hard to recapture or recreate as adults and yet it is so critical for our wellbeing.  

Many people, for a variety of reasons, don’t take advantage of their annual vacation time. Therefore, in keeping with my June promise to make this the ‘Summer of Selfcare’, I thought I would take the opportunity to remind you of the importance of taking time off to enjoy a summer vacation.  

Dictionary.com defines the word vacation as “a period of suspension of work, study, or other activity, usually used for rest, recreation, or travel; recess or holiday”.  

As a result of taking a holiday from work, we enjoy many benefits including increased morale, higher productivity, a renewed sense of health and wellbeing, higher energy and increased creativity just to name a few.  

According to a survey by Expedia.com, 84 percent of respondents reported feeling “rejuvenated and reconnected with family and friends after a vacation, and 80 percent reported having a more positive outlook about their jobs when they take time away.”

As great as vacation time is and as much as we look forward to it, I think sometimes we get it wrong.  

Due to the constant connectivity enjoyed as a result of our technology (i.e. laptops, cellphones and the like) it is often difficult to achieve a ‘period of suspension of work’ or a true holiday from our jobs.  Because we now have constant access to and from the office, it is rare that we ever truly have freedom from work even when we are on vacation.  I know this to be true because I am writing this article when I am supposed to be on holidays myself.

The temptation to know what’s going on is sometimes irresistible, and as a result, we find our thoughts drawn away from relaxing and recharging and back to work, offering us no respite from our responsibilities and worries.   

Add to this the need we seem to feel in terms of making summer holidays all about the family or our kids, rather than giving ourselves permission as adults to slow down, and to take some quality time for ourselves.  It’s not uncommon to hear people say they need to get back to work after a family vacation in order to get some peace and quiet.  

So I ask you, when was the last time you had a true vacation?  And by that I mean, time just for yourself, with nobody else to please, and no one making demands on your time, your energy or your resources (financial and otherwise).  

If you are planning on taking a summer vacation this year, could you carve out a bit of time just for you?  It doesn’t have to be for weeks on end…even an afternoon to yourself to do as you please will bring about amazing results.  As the L’Oreal commercial says “Because you’re worth it”.  

I’m going to try and I hope you will consider it as well.  If you need further convincing about the benefits of taking time off, there is an article below called The Importance of Vacations for your reading pleasure.
 
Speaking about summer vacations, I believe there is no better place to vacation than right here in our beautiful province.  And in the event that you haven’t finalized your vacation plans yet, check out the article called Summer in Saskatchewan where I have included some wonderful books and websites that I discovered that may help you in your planning.  

Before I sign off and officially start my summer vacation, I wanted to introduce you to the latest addition to our incredible Counselling Team at Penney Murphy & Associates.  Crystal Wiens is a Sex Therapist and Educator and the first thing you’ll notice about Crystal is her energy and absolute passion about sexuality and health.  Crystal has her Bachelor of Arts majoring in psychology as well as a Master’s degree in Health Sciences specializing in Sexual Health from the University of Sydney, Australia.  Crystal works with individuals and couples and deals with subjects such as sex education, sexual attitudes and beliefs, issues surrounding relationships, intimacy, love, trust and communication, self-image, sexual identity, gender role development and sexual satisfaction.

Crystal is featured in this month’s 20 Questions article below.  Remember you can also learn more Crystal by reading out her bio and book an appointment with her on our website at penneymurphy.com.

I leave you now with an inspiring quote from Ellen Goodman:

“What do I want to take home from my summer vacation? Time. The wonderful luxury of being at rest. The days when you shut down the mental machinery that keeps life on track and let life simply wander. The days when you stop planning, analyzing, thinking and just are. Summer is my period of grace.”

May you find your period of grace this summer in amongst making memories and recharging your batteries.
Be good to yourself and the ones you love.
Kindest Regards,
Penney

Penney Murphy
B.A., B.S.W., M.S.W., R.S.W.
President/Owner
Penney Murphy & Associates
Registered Counsellors and Consultants.  

 

Happy June Everyone!

We wait for it all year and the summer of 2012 is close at hand officially arriving on Wednesday, June 20th.  This year I'm proclaiming it to be the "Summer of Self Care" ...and I hope you'll join me!  

I recently had the honor of speaking to a roomful of wonderful women at a Women's Midlife Health Care event and the topic of self care came up.  It was a subject that really resonated with everyone and because it is a personal passion of mine I thought it would make for a great theme for this month's newsletter.

When you hear the term 'self care' what do you think about?  
Do you get images of contorting your body into some sort of yoga pose, or lighting candles and chanting or meditating?  Well, yes, it can be... if that works for you.  Self care can and should be anything you want it to be.  And it will likely mean something different for each one of us.  

My definition of self care is purposely taking time for myself in which I do something/anything that relaxes me, re-energizes me, helps me to refocus and/or recharge my batteries.  

What I find curious is that the whole subject of self care is not something we are taught. We just kind of muddle through. We don't learn it in grade school, or high school.  There is no university course on it.  And yet, it is absolutely critical to our wellbeing and to our quality of life.  Often people don't think about it at all until they hit a wall and then end up in our offices at Penney Murphy & Associates.     

In a society in which we are all so busy with work, family, and all of our other commitments, chronic stress is a constant companion.  We all know the effect that chronic stress has on our health...this is not news.  However, it seems that for many of us, it is rare that we take the necessary time to de-stress, decompress, relax, get quiet, and refocus.  

Most of us are not good at it.  Women, in particular, are socialized to believe that we must take care of everyone else in our lives first...and then if there is time or energy left we can consider it.  For those with Type A personalities who have the need to keep pushing, to pile on more and more, the notion of taking time off to care for ourselves is almost a sacrilege.  No matter who we are, male or female, we are under a lot of pressure to do everything.  We have high expectations of ourselves, we are overloaded with responsibilities and we are always rushing.  We are tired...emotionally and physically.  Even when we do allow ourselves a chance to relax and recharge, we feel guilty about it.  It's crazy...but it's true.

I know for myself how amazing I feel after I've been to my favorite spa, and yet for the first 10 or 15 minutes of my session my mind is racing.  I think about everything else I could or should be doing, rather than giving myself permission to shut the world off, to quieten my mind and to just relax.  

I also know however, that if I am able to shut off my mind and relax, I become more creative, more energized, more open.  I am better able to problem solve.  My attitude is positive, I feel happier and I suspect I am more pleasant to be around.  

Intellectually I understand the benefits of self care.  Physically and mentally, I love the feeling of being relaxed.  I get it!!!  And yet it is a struggle.  

I know for sure that self care doesn't come naturally for me.  Nor does granting myself permission to relax, recharge and reenergize.  It is a constant battle.  And while some days are better than others, this whole 'self care thing' is something I need to get better at if I want to stay healthy and have a great quality of life.  

So I have pledged to myself that the focus of this summer will be on self care.  I tend to be my own worst enemy when it comes to cramming activities and work into every moment of the day, but for this summer, my goal is to be purposeful and thoughtful about how I am spending my time.  It's okay to work hard, but it's also more than okay to take time for myself.  

I want to learn more about what relaxes me.  This isn't something I have thought a lot about.  So I started doing some research into the benefits of aromatherapy and the use of essential oils.  This is something that I really enjoy and I hope to learn how to incorporate this into my daily life rather than just sporadically.   

I need to think long and hard about what activities recharge my batteries, what I need to do (and enjoy doing) to reenergize and refocus.  I am going to try my very best to make a serious commitment to my self care.  And I invite you to join me on this mission.  

I have included an article below called Understanding Stress for your reference and interest.  Perhaps this will help to motivate you to think about the benefits of your own self care.  

I know that self care is a major passion for our Counsellor Treena Wynes!  Treena specializes in wellbeing, and self-care.  She also is very experienced when it comes to the relationship we have with food, how eating affects our moods, our behavior and our health.  You can read Treena's responses to our 20 Questions feature below and remember to book your appointment online at our website www.penneymurphy.com with Treena or any of our other fantastic Counsellors for more information or help with self care or any other issue you may be dealing with.    

I leave you now with two of my favorite quotes about self care:  
 
     Tension is who you think you should be.
     Relaxation is who you are. ~Chinese Proverb

 
     There is more to life than increasing its speed. ~ Gandhi  

I hope you will take the time to slow down, to stop rushing, and to enjoy a wonderful summer filled with moments that allow you to focus on caring for yourself.  Relax, recharge and reenergize.  You deserve it!
Be good to yourself and those you love.
Kindest Regards,
Penney

Penney Murphy
B.A., B.S.W., M.S.W., R.S.W.
President / Owner
Penney Murphy & Associates
Registered Counsellors and Consultants

 

Happy May Everyone!

Hopefully the old saying “April showers brings May flowers” rings true and we will witness spring in full bloom shortly.  The month of May, along with the sight of flowers and trees blossoming has been a cause for celebration all around the world since ancient times.  It is a signal that the earth is awakening from its winter sleep and we celebrate renewal, new growth, and new life.

In ancient Rome, statues were covered with garlands of flowers to honor the goddesses of springtime (Maia) and flowers (Flora), and in many parts of Italy young men still serenade their sweethearts on the first day of May.  

In England the earth’s renewal is celebrated with a dance around the Maypole.  In Switzerland, pine boughs are placed under the windows of young women to promote fertility and good health.  In Germany, young men secretly plant trees in front of the homes of their sweethearts in the hope of returned love.  

And of course in North America, we celebrate the month of May with Mother’s Day. So I thought that it would be rather fitting for our theme for this month’s newsletter to focus on the importance of mothers.

A mother is something we all have in common and the concept and understanding of a Mother’s love is universal.  The role of Mother is an important one and from a counselling perspective, we know the bond between mothers and infants is absolutely critical to the present and future emotional and social development of a child.  

Regardless of whether she was the woman who gave us life, a step mom, the woman who adopted us or she was someone who came into our lives in another way and cared for us, when we think about Mother, we think of unconditional love, comfort, caring, encouragement, and support.  She was the one we could count on, the one who always kissed our boo boo’s better, held us when we were upset or scared, took care of us when we were sick.  She would make us laugh.  She would dry our tears.  She would give us advice, guidance and sometimes she would even give us heck.  All in the spirit of love.  

My Mom was a huge influence in my life and she was an amazing woman.  
She worked because she loved it, she could tell a dirty joke better than anybody I know, she loved to laugh and be silly and she loved me more than anything in the world.  She taught me so many important things.  And I know now that I didn’t tell her that often enough.  

I thought of my Mom when I read this quote from Nancy Friday:
“When I stopped seeing my mother with the eyes of a child, I saw the woman who helped me give birth to myself.”

It will be ten years ago this coming June that I lost my Mom and there is not a day that passes that I don’t think about her and miss her still.   

I became a mother myself on May 31st, 1984.  Even thought it was 28 years ago, the memories of that day and the feelings are still so vivid.  Holding my baby for the first time and looking into her beautiful eyes filled me with so much joy that it is almost indescribable.  And since that day, she has filled my life with happiness constantly and continuously.  Being a mother to her has been a gift and a blessing that I will treasure forever.  
 
And now my baby is going to be a Momma as well!  We got the wonderful news a few weeks ago and to say we are excited about the October arrival would be the understatement of the year!!!  Congratulations Chels!  You are going to be a fantastic mother!!!  (Oh…and congratulations to Alan too!  We’re really happy with you! ) :)

I’m sure all of you have similar thoughts and experiences, and I hope you will take the time to celebrate your Mom and everything she means to you.  
I know for sure that sometimes we tend to take our Moms for granted, and that they often don’t get the thanks that they truly deserve.  

Continuing with the topic of Mothers, you will find an article below that made me smile.  You’ll see humorous quotes from the Moms of several famous characters (real and fictional) that I’m sure everyone can relate to.  

Also in this issue of our newsletter, you will have the opportunity to meet our very own Elizabeth Smith in the 20 Questions feature.  Elizabeth is an incredible person, with a welcoming smile and a great sense of humor.  She brightens our office with her presence (and with her beautiful long blonde hair she reminds me of a glamorous movie star).  Elizabeth does amazing work around grief and loss, trauma, PTSD, anxiety, stress management and so much more.  She is a favorite for both our Saskatoon and Melfort clients.  

Speaking of great Counsellors, I am very pleased to welcome Treena Wynes to our excellent Counselling team.
 
Treena is the author of “Eating Ourselves Crazy” and specializes in any/all issues regarding eating & wellness.  She is refreshing and positive and a pleasure to work with.  

Treena’s areas of specialization are:

•    Weight loss counselling
•    Weight loss surgery support
•    Emotional Eating
•    Eating Disorders
•    Stress Management
•    Issues related to Menopause
•    Chronic Fatigue
•    Depression
•    Wellness
•    Balance
•    Life Coaching
•    And More.

Treena is also experienced and very interested in counselling First Nations individuals and families with respect to the suffering, and loss of tradition that has occurred as a result of Residential Schools.
 
You can book an appointment with Treena or with any of our other fantastic Counsellors online on our website at www.penneymurphy.com.  

Back to the topic of Moms, I leave you now with a poem about that resonated with me.  

As I Look Back
As I look back on my life
I find myself wondering.....
Did I remember to thank you
for all that you have done for me?
For all of the times you were by my side
to help me celebrate my successes
and accept my defeats?
Or for teaching me the value of hard work,
good judgement, courage, and honesty?
I wonder if I've ever thanked you for the simple things...
The laughter, smiles, and quiet times we've shared?
If I have forgotten to express my gratitude
For any of these things,
I am thanking you now....
and I am hoping that you've known all along,
how very much you are loved and appreciated.
- Author Unknown.

I hope you enjoy the Merry, Merry Month of May and most importantly, that you celebrate everything wonderful about your mom whether she is with you or not.  
Take care of yourselves and the ones you love.
Kindest Regards,
Penney

Penney Murphy
B.A., B.S.W., M.S.W., R.S.W.
President / Owner
Penney Murphy & Associates
 

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing" ~ Helen Keller

Happy April Everyone!

Well, we said we wanted an adventure! For years my husband Brent and I have been dreaming of and talking about making a change in our lives. Now that we are 57 and 51, we have come to the stark and unfortunate realization that there is more of life in the rearview mirror than on the road ahead.

So after many, many conversations about the things we want to do and the things we want to experience, we decided we better get on with it. We adopted the motto "Less talk, More Action."

The key and first step to moving forward for us was to sell our family home. We've created many wonderful memories over the past 22 years in our house. The kids all grew up there and now the Grandbabies visit. We've had parties too numerous to count, great times with friends and family no longer with us, and a Sunday morning ritual of crepes with strawberries and bacon that everyone still looks forward to on their visits home. 6 loving pets have roamed in the yard over the years. There have been crazy, fun times with the neighbors on the deck. And never a shortage of laughter.

We have danced around with the notion of selling the house in the past, edging close to it but then scurrying back. But last month, we finally made the decision and took the leap.

We listed our house with a realtor/friend, signed a 3 month contract thinking we would simply test the market and believing that in those 3 months we would have plenty of time to make future plans for if/when the house sold.

Well, wouldn't you know it? The listing went live on Friday, March 2nd and we sold our house the next day! Here's the fun part...we have to be out in May and our future plans are still up in the air!!!

It has been an interesting time over the past few weeks since the sale went through. It feels quite remarkable and exhilarating. The thought of having no house to tie us down gives us a new sense of freedom. Because we wanted to change our lives in a major way, we decided we would take our time and explore all of our options rather than diving right back into the housing market, so for the short term we are going to rent a place to live. And we also decided that we would sell our furniture and belongings, so that we could start fresh wherever life happens to take us.

The reaction from the people we shared our story with has been fascinating. For the most part, everyone has been really excited for us. Some people think we're crazy to take such a risk. While a few have told us we should just to buy a condo like everyone else does and be done with it, many others have noted that they wished they could experience the freedom and opportunities just like us.

When asked why they don't do it...the answer is the same. It's too risky to give up what you have and know for something that seems so uncertain and even unpredictable.

Risk is a curious thing. If we want to change and grow, it is necessary to take risks and to try something new.

Research tells us that just because someone takes a risk in one area of their lives doesn't necessarily mean they will take risks in other areas. For example, someone who loves cliff diving won't necessarily go to Las Vegas and bet their life savings at the roulette table.

And, we all have a different tolerance for risk. Some people will jump out of a plane without a second thought, while others will stay for years in a job they don't enjoy rather than risking a change.

Admittedly, risk is scary. The rewards may be incredible, but there are no guarantees. And the cost involved may be greater than the rewards.
But for me, the thought of not taking the risk in terms of changing our life is even scarier. The thought of giving up on dreams held so dear would result in a profound sadness.

In the words of John A. Shedd: "A ship in harbor is safe - but that is not what ships are for."

During the month of April, when nature is experiencing a new beginning all around us, I challenge you to think about your life and how you want to live it. I don't mean just doing what everyone else does or living according to the expectations of others. I mean really living YOUR life. A life that is truly unique...just like you.

Perhaps, you will find it's time for a new beginning like I did. What would you be willing to risk in order to have the life you dream of?

For your reference I've included an article below called Take Risks: 4 Steps.

Just before I sign off I hope you will enjoy the 20 Questions section in this month's newsletter. The amazing Darlene Kennedy, Marriage and Family Counsellor Extraordinaire is featured.

In addition to being absolutely great at what she does, Darlene is such a cool person with so many talents. You will get to know her a bit better when you read her responses to my list of questions below.

Also, I am pleased to announce that we have a new Counsellor joining us in April. Myron Wealr has been in private practice in Vancouver for quite some time but is coming home to Saskatoon. Check our website at www.penneymurphy.com to see Myron's areas of specialization. You can also book an appointment with Myron or any other member of the Counselling Team online.

And finally, a big Thank You to the NSBA. Penney Murphy & Associates was named Small Business of the Year at the NSBA gala dinner a few weeks ago. We are very honored by the award.

Now, to add a little fuel to the fire in terms of the topic of life and risk, I leave you with the words of Steve Jobs:

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

Wishing you a very happy month of April and may all of your risks be worth it. Be good to yourself and the ones you love.

Kindest Regards,
Penney

Penney Murphy
B.A., B.S.W., M.S.W., R.S.W.
President / Owner

HAPPY MARCH EVERYONE!

     With rushing winds and gloomy skies
     The dark and stubborn Winter dies:   
     Far-off, unseen, Spring faintly cries,
     Bidding her earliest child arise; March!
     ~ Bayard Taylor

Even though we were spoiled with a relatively warm and seemingly short winter, I am still looking forward to the first day of spring.  It officially arrives on Tuesday, March 20th!  Bring it on!

In this month’s newsletter I wanted to share something with you that I have been struggling with lately.  I think perhaps many of you will relate.  Allow me to explain.  

In an ongoing effort to continue my own personal and professional development, I travel to Chicago once every quarter to spend time with and learn from a likeminded group of business owners and entrepreneurs.
 
During my last session in January, we spent some time discussing identity and the fact that what we do for a living very much defines who we are.  (Think of the first questions we ask when we meet someone new…What’s your name and what do you do?).  

It occurred to me at that moment and very often since, that for as long as I can remember, I have defined myself solely by what I do for a living.  For 20+ years I was a radio broadcaster, and now I’m a business owner.  But surely there is more to me than that...isn’t there?

While on the surface identifying ourselves simply by what we do may not seem like a big deal, it can be concerning on a couple of fronts.

Research tells us that using multiple self-aspects in terms of defining ourselves (i.e. creating an identity that is more than simply what we do for a living) may be very beneficial in terms of our health.  It appears that when we think of ourselves with greater dimensionality we are better able to manage our emotions.  Studies show that people who have a multidimensional self-identity are less prone to depression, perceived stress, psychosomatic symptoms and illnesses following stressful events.
 
Apparently when we think of ourselves as multi-faceted, we are better able to recognize that we have many strengths, skills, and areas of interest, not simply those associated with work, which leads to greater self-confidence and higher self-esteem.    

On another front, if you are planning to retire in the next 1 – 5 years, this whole self-identity thing is something you may want to consider now, as it is a common issue that many newly retired people tend to struggle with.  You might start by asking yourself “Once the job is gone…who will I be?”

Very often, you will notice that, rather than being future focused, people who have retired often describe themselves in the past tense (i.e. I was a teacher, I used to be a manager at ABC company, etc.).  

Many people feel a real sense of loss when it comes to retirement because their identity was so tied up in terms of what they did for a living and suddenly they find they aren’t sure who they are anymore now that they are no longer employed.  And once the work identity is gone, some people feel that they no longer have value.  

The lack of a new identity, and remaining stuck in the past or in the “I used to be” stage can lead to a decline in self-confidence & self-esteem.  Instead of being hopeful for the future, people feel lost.  

Even if retirement is not in the near future, you might find it helpful to think a little bit about how your self-identity.  

While considering this myself, I realized that I really don’t have a lot of interests outside of work.  So in an effort to add to my definition of self I thought perhaps I should find a hobby I enjoy.  Well…this has proven to be more difficult than I imagined.  

A few weeks ago, after reading a Martha Stewart magazine, I bought knitting needles, yarn and a “Knitting for Dummies” book in an attempt to teach myself how to knit a scarf.  This led to a great deal of laughter and ribbing from my family.  On numerous occasions I was called a “Geezer” and “Old Granny”.  My husband Brent complained that my knitting was “too loud” as apparently due to a lack of coordination, I was clicking the knitting needles together and it was creating an annoying sound.  

Okay…I got the hint.  

So then I tried something that I haven’t done for many years.  Something which I used to love to do.  Jigsaw puzzles.  (I know…the excitement is probably overwhelming you right about now!).  

Enjoying the solitude, I opened a brand new jigsaw puzzle.  The pieces of which were laid out on our dining room table, sorted according to color.  I had the outside edge all completed.  It was coming together nicely.  I was feeling a real sense of accomplishment and it was very relaxing.  

When all of a sudden a flash went off.  My loving husband had his IPhone in hand and had taken a picture of me in all of my glory doing my jigsaw puzzle.  And then the snorting began as he sent the picture to our kids with the caption “Nerd herder” attached.  This was met with great delight by all of the recipients and they each added their own comments back and forth.  Hilarious!  

This won’t stop me though!  I’m determined to redefine my identity, to become more than just what I do.  I’m sure it will continue to be a process of trial and error before I settle on my new expanded definition of self.  And I know I can always count on my sweet family to encourage and support me in this endeavor.  I think perhaps I’ll just keep some of this to myself until I get it right! 

At any rate, if the idea of defining or redefining yourself is something you are interested in, you will find an article below by Christina Whitaker in which she offers some suggestions to assist you in this process.  

You might also try this simple exercise to get you thinking.  It’s called an autobiographical poem.  Simply fill in the blanks and see what comes up.  

I am (first name)
Son/Daughter of…
Who needs …
Who loves …
Who sees …
Who dislikes …
Who fears …
Who desires …
Who dreams of …
Who wants …
Who will …
(last name)


Have fun with it!

In last month’s newsletter we kicked off a brand new feature called 20 Questions.  You may recall that I wanted to share the wonderful people with you that I have the pleasure of working with on a daily basis, so I created a list of 20 Questions, some of which are serious and others that are just fun (for example...if you had a super power what would it be?) and I asked all of our team members to fill in the blanks.
 
This month we are featuring our outstanding Brad Bodnarchuk.  Brad (whom many of you may have known previously as Father Brad) has been an integral part of Penney Murphy & Associates for the past 6 years.  Brad is our Lead Addictions Counsellor and he does absolutely amazing work with people who are struggling with addictions as well as with their family members.  He has made a difference in many, many lives and continues to do so because of the incredible passion he has for his work.  

Even though he does serious work, Brad has an incredible sense of humor (which I love!) and he can tell a joke like nobody’s business    He brings sunshine into our office and our lives on a daily basis and we are grateful for him.  (The only down side of working with Brad is the fact that he is a huge Hamilton Tiger Cats fan!!!)  You will find Brad’s responses to the 20 Questions below.  

If you don’t already receive our monthly newsletter, sign up now right here on our website!

I leave you now with two quotes about defining self that resonated with me:  

People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates. ~Thomas Szasz

The man who views the world at fifty the same as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life. ~Muhammad Ali

Regardless of how you define yourself, remember that you are absolutely awesome!
I hope you have a very happy March.  
Take care of yourself and the ones you love.
Kindest Regards,
Penney

Penney Murphy
B.A., B.S.W., M.S.W., R.S.W.
President / Owner
 

Even after all this time,
The sun never says to the earth,
"You owe me."
Look what happens with
A love like that.
It lights the whole sky. - Hafiz of Persia

Happy February Everyone!

As the saying goes “February is for Lovers”, so I thought it would be a wonderful opportunity to focus on the ‘couple relationship’ in this month’s newsletter.  

It would be nice to think that it’s all smooth sailing once we’ve found the one we love.  Days filled with romance, togetherness, hand-holding, roses, poetry…etc., etc., etc.  
But … unfortunately this is not the case.  Every couple will experience conflict…no relationship is immune from it.
 
Research tells us that all couples argue.  Hetero couples argue.  Same sex couples argue.  Married couples argue.  Couples living together argue.  What is interesting is the issues causing the arguments are the same and so is the frequency of the arguments regardless of the type of relationship. 
    
So what do other couples argue about you ask?  Here are the hot buttons (in no particular order):
Money (spending/saving, the one with the money = the one with the power)
Sex (lack of energy/interest)
Housework
Minor Irritations (personal habits).

In terms of the ‘minor irritations’ category, a British survey of 3,000 couples (by www.betterbathrooms.com) found that women and men are irritated by a variety of things.  Take a look:     
 
Things Women Find Irritating                 Things Men Find Irritating
Shaving stubble in the sink                                     Taking too long to get ready
Dirty marks left in toilet bowl                                   Nagging about chores
Flicking through tv channels                                    Leaving the lights on
Not replacing the toilet paper roll                            Leaving hair in the drain
Leaving the toilet seat up                                       Hoarding stuff
Leaving the lights on                                              Overfilling the garbage
Leaving dirty dishes around the house                   Leaving tissues around the house
Leaving towels/clothes on the floor                        Leaving dirty dishes around the house
Hoarding stuff                                                         Flicking through tv channels
Not flushing the toilet                                             Watching soap operas

Apparently minor irritations can become a big problem as 1 in 5 Brits included in the survey said they have considered splitting up with their partners as a result of the annoying habits. 
 
Here are a few other interesting facts about couples and arguments (according to a survey done by thecoupleconnections.net):

•    On average, couples included in the survey argued twice a week, followed by a period of silence of two hours and 14 minutes (the old silent treatment!).  This adds up to nearly 10 days a year spent in silence
•    6 out of 10 people prefer to sulk, rather than admit they are wrong.
•    76% of people believe the odd argument is healthy for a relationship
•    More than 50% believe saying or hearing the words “I’m sorry” is enough to help them forgive and forget.

Here is another bit of research for you to consider. 

According to Dr. John Gottman, a respected researcher who has spent many years studying couples, believes that regardless of the topic and/or the frequency, arguing makes little to no difference in terms of overall happiness and the likelihood of staying together.  The biggest indicator of whether a relationship will last is in the way in which you argue.  

Dr. Gottman has identified 4 characteristics that can occur during an argument that spell doom for a relationship.  He calls them The 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

Horseman #1 – Criticism.
This is the first warning sign in an argument.  Criticism involves an attack on the person instead of on the issue.  The difference between a criticism and a complaint is very important.  

For example, suppose you left a wet towel on the bathroom floor again.  

A complaint would be your partner saying something like “You’ve left a wet towel on the floor again.  I hate it when you do that!”  

However, if you add the words “You are lazy”…the statement becomes a criticism.  

Do you see the difference?  Rather than focusing on the behavior, the statement about being lazy becomes an attack on the person and their character.  

Specifically criticism is defined as:
•    Any statement that implies there is something wrong with the other person rather than focusing on a specific behavior that irritates you.
•    Any statement that begins with “you always” or ‘you never”.
Criticism elicits defensiveness on the part of the person it is aimed towards.   

Horseman #2 – Defensiveness.
When we perceive that we are under attack (following criticism) our defense mechanisms kick into high gear.  

Examples of defensive statements include:  “What are you picking on me for?”, “What about all of the good things I do?”, or “I never get any thanks or appreciation”.  

The danger with defensiveness is that it usually includes the denial of responsibility for the problem and this is like pouring gas on a fire…it fuels the conflict because it implies the other person is the one in the wrong or the guilty party.  It’s not the couple as a whole who has the problem, but rather it the fault of the mean person you happen to in the relationship with.  “It isn’t me…it’s you”.

Any attempts to deflect, divert, attack or defend are indicators of defensive behavior. 
   
Using the previous scenario of the wet towel left on the floor, a response of “Yes I did leave the wet towel on the floor but it’s only because you leave all of your stuff all over the bathroom and I can’t find anywhere to put it” would be a good example of defensive behavior.  

When we get defensive we avoid owning up to the fact that we did something wrong. By refusing to admit when we are wrong and by not backing down, the argument will get more intense.  

Horseman #3 – Contempt
Contempt is the worst of the horsemen and usually signals the beginning of the end of the relationship.  It is a lack of respect for one’s partner. 

Sarcasm, name calling, eye-rolling, cynicism, mockery, sneering and using hostile humor are all examples of contempt.
 
If we use the wet towel episode again, an example of contempt would be a statement like “You’ve left a wet towel on the floor again. You are lazy…and your laziness disgusts me”.

Contempt is any statement or nonverbal behavior that puts oneself on a higher plane that one’s partner.
 
Horseman #4 – Stonewalling
Stonewalling occurs when a person withdraws from the interaction. 

Typically when we communicate we give many cues to show the speaker we are listening such as maintaining eye contact, nodding our heads, using facial expressions, adding a few brief comments (yes, uh-huh, etc.) to show that we understand what is being said and that we are engaged.  

When someone is stonewalling, they don’t give off any of these cues.  They may stay in the conversation physically but not emotionally.  The body becomes stiff, they look away and wont’ offer any verbal communication. There is no responsiveness. The message is ‘you are not important’, ‘I’m ignoring you’, or ‘I’m closing myself off to you’.  

As a result of being treated this way, the other person experiences a physiological arousal (for example a spike in their heart rate) and this
generally causes an escalation in the conflict.
 
According to Dr. Gottman, the horsemen usually show up in a sequence, with criticism starting the process.  Dr. Gottman also maintains that the presence of contempt in a relationship is the best single predictor of divorce.  

I have included an article below by Dr. Gottman with some helpful advice for building a strong relationship.  Also, please remember that if any or all of the horsemen are present in your relationship…we can help you.  We are only a phone call away or if you use the online booking program on our website (www.penneymurphy.com)…we’re just a click away!
Now back to more pleasant thoughts.  A relationship, just like each one of us, needs attention and nurturing, so with the month of love upon us, and regardless of whether you celebrate Valentine’s Day or not, will you take the opportunity to let the most important person in your life know how much they are loved?  I hope you will. It is so important for each of us to feel valued, appreciated and loved.  I’d even be willing to bet that you will realize some benefits from reminding your sweetheart how you feel about them. 

Just before I finish up, I wanted to draw your attention to a brand new feature in our newsletter that I hope you enjoy.  It’s called 20 Questions
.  
I work with such a fantastic group of people who make coming in to the office an absolute pleasure every day and I thought it would be wonderful for you to get to know them as well.  

So I created a list of 20 Questions, some of which are serious and others that are just fun (for example…if you could give yourself a fun/silly name…what would you like to be called?).  Each month we will feature one of our team members and share their answers to the 20 Questions with you.   

To begin with we are featuring the person who speaks with everyone who calls, the person who greets everyone who comes into the office and the one responsible for keeping all of us in the office organized and happy.  If you looked up Exceptional Customer Service in the dictionary you would find her picture.  

So (drum roll please) for the first edition of 20 Questions, I am pleased to introduce you to our Office Manager Extraordinaire Megan Larwood.  She is an absolute delight.  

If you don’t already receive our monthly newsletter, sign up right here on our website!  Just look for the newsletter icon on the home page.
 
I leave you now with three of my favorite love quotes.  Feel free to share them with your sweetheart.  

Within you I lose myself. Without you I find myself wanting to become lost again. ~ Unknown

If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you made me smile, I would have the whole night sky in the palm of my hand. ~ Unknown

In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities. ~ Janos Arnay

Happy February!  Take care of yourself and the ones you love.
Kindest Regards,
Penney

Penney Murphy
B.A., B.S.W., M.S.W., R.S.W.
President/Owner

Happy January Everyone!

2012 is upon us!  The New Year brings with it an opportunity for a fresh start, a chance to look at our lives and ourselves and to take stock.  As a result, for approximately 50% of all Canadians the New Year includes making resolutions in order to create a better life. 
 
Did you know that the celebration of the New Year is the oldest of all the holidays and the only one that celebrates the passage of time?  The celebration of the New Year was first observed over 4000 years ago, dating back to ancient Babylon times when the New Year was ushered in during the month of March and was associated with the new growing season.  

According to historians, the first time in documented history that the making of resolutions in association with the New Year took place on March 23, 2000 BC when ancient Babylonians marked the day by returning items they borrowed from neighbors the previous year.  

Our modern tradition of celebrating the New Year dates back to 154 BC when the Roman Senate declared January 1st to be the first day of the New Year according to their Julian calendar.  The god Janus (for whom the month of January is named) was believed to have two heads, one which looked forward and the other which looked behind, symbolizing the end of the old year and the beginning of the new.  It was at this time that the making of New Year’s resolutions become more prevalent in society; a tradition which continues today with our Gregorian calendar.  

Every year at this time, my personal New Year’s tradition is to ask myself the following questions:  Are you living the life you want to?  Are you the person you want to be?  If not, what do you need to do to be true to yourself and live the life of your dreams?    

Historically, I have always looked forward to this New Year’s process with enthusiasm and excitement.  This year quite honestly, the enthusiasm and excitement are tempered with some trepidation.  Perhaps it’s due to the fact that I’m 51 now and realizing that time has a very real way of slipping by.  Or perhaps I’m just impatient. 

But I do have the real sense that if I am to actually and actively live the life of my dreams and be the person I want to be, the time for talking needs to be replaced with action.  As Mark Feldman and Michael Spratt so eloquently put it “Five frogs are sitting on a log.  Four decide to jump off. How many are left?  Answer: five. Why?  Because there's a difference between deciding and doing”.

I suspect I am not alone in this.  Whenever I ask the question “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I get a knowing nod.  We all have dreams and desires for our lives, but I think for many of us the reality of having to bring home a paycheck in addition to meeting our various responsibilities leaves us with little time to dream, and less to make the actual changes needed to realize our dreams. 

The fear for me at any rate is that if I keep waiting, one day I’ll wake up and it will be too late due to circumstances out of my control, health or otherwise.  

If you are on a similar journey of your own, you will know that the biggest hurdle in the process is deciding what’s important to you, figuring out what will make you happy, fulfilled and content.  If you are in a couple relationship, it gets a bit more complicated as you will need to ensure that your plans mesh with those of your loved one.  Admittedly, not always an easy task.
 
I came across an interesting article which I have included in our January newsletter for your interest dealing with this very subject and which may help you to put things into perspective.  I know that it gave me pause for thought.  (If you don't receive our monthly newsletter and would like to, please take a moment to click on the Newsletter Sign Up icon on our website). 

Once you have gained some clarity as to your priorities, the process gets a bit easier.  The following things in particular will help you to achieve success. 
 
1.    Understanding why you want what you do.  Why are your priorities important to you and what do they mean to you?  What is driving you?  

2.    The readiness and willingness to change.  As the old saying goes, if you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll get the same results.
 
3.    Be aware of any and all barriers that may prevent you from making or sustaining change.  

4.    Expect to stray from your vision.  It’s normal to revert back to old habits or to find yourself off course.  The key here is recognizing when this happens and rather than beating yourself up with negative self talk, being able to motivate yourself again.  

5.    Make your goals realistic ones.  For example, if one of your goals is to lose weight, set a goal that is attainable.  If you have large goals, break them down into smaller, more manageable goals (i.e. if you start with a goal of losing 100 lbs., a loss of 1 or 2 pounds won’t seem significant and you may give up hope).  However if you set a goal of losing 10 pounds, the loss of a couple of pounds will be exciting and will give you confidence to continue.  Once the first 10 pounds is gone, you can begin again, with success under your somewhat smaller belt :)

6.    Make sure your goals are measurable.  Weight loss is an easy one to measure…you simply get on the scale and you can tell if you are making progress.  
Other goals may be a big more difficult to measure.  For example, if one of your goals is to reduce your stress, how will you know that you are succeeding?  

Consider making a list of stress management techniques that you enjoy and scheduling them regularly into your week.  

It may be helpful to take notice of how your body and your mind feel when you are under stress (i.e. Is your sleep disrupted?  Are you anxious and worried?  Does your concentration suffer?  Does your breathing change?  Do your neck muscles stiffen and ache? Etc.,).  

Also, consider how your mind and body let you know that you are in a state of relaxation (i.e. your mind is clear, you sleep well, you smile a lot, etc.).  

If you know specifically what stress looks like for you and also what being relaxed feels like you can begin to measure your progress.  

For example, you might start with a goal of experiencing an hour a week free of stress symptoms.  If you can accomplish this, you will know that the stress management techniques you are employing are working.  

If your goals are grand, be strategic.  For example, if you want to take a year off to travel the world you need to figure out what steps you need to take to make this happen.  

•    Specifically, what year will you do this?  Next year, or in three years from now?  
•    How will you pay for this?  Do you need to save a specific amount of money each month for the next year?  Will you sell your house and rent an apartment to save money?  Will you cut down on treats, fancy coffees, movies, etc.?  Or will you get a second job to add additional income?  
•    When the time comes will you be able to take the time off work?  Or will you have to quit your job to do it?  If so, what will you do for income once you return from your travels?  
•    And so on.

If planning your ideal life, or figuring out what you want to be when you grow up is an interest, please give me a call.  As I enjoy this work so very much, one of my goals for the new year is to do more work in this area, (this is part of living the life of my dreams) so I have opened up my calendar for 2012 to allow me more time to work personally with clients in the area of life coaching and success achievement.  I love assisting in this process to help people achieve the life they dream of.  

Just before I wrap up I want to direct your attention to the final article of our January newsletter.  If perhaps there is an issue you are struggling with either personally or professionally, and you have been hesitant to come in for counselling to date, you may be interested to read the thoughts of our own Darlene Kennedy who describes what a counselling session is like and talks about her own experience both as a client and a counsellor.  

I mentioned the topic of stress management earlier (a very popular New Year’s resolution for many).  To assist you in reducing or managing the stress in your life, I have recorded a guided visualization which is a wonderful stress management tool.   You will find this free tool on our website at www.penneymurphy.com.  Click on the Products page and enjoy as often as you like.  Please feel free to share it with your friends and family too!  It takes approximately 5 minutes so you can enjoy it during a break in your work day, at home or even on your cell phone for an instant pick me up.  

As I complete my writing, I leave you with this quote from Ellen Goodman:
“We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential.”

I wish you good luck on your journey.  May 2012 be everything you hope it will be.  
Take care of yourself and those you love.
Kindest Regards,
Penney

Penney Murphy
B.A., B.S.W., M.S.W., R.S.W.
President / Owner

 

Happy December Everyone!

What a wonderful time of year!  The Christmas party season is officially underway (I’ve got two this week!).  Driving around the city, I see more and more houses being lit up with Christmas lights, and on my evening dog walk last night I noticed 9 houses in our neighborhood with beautifully decorated Christmas trees resplendently standing tall in front windows.  This weekend (in my house at any rate) the baking will begin, and then of course there’s the shopping…oh the shopping!

One of the most rewarding things (and sometimes the most difficult part) about Christmas shopping is finding that ‘special something’… the perfect gift.  You know the one.  It’s the present that you hope will be very meaningful, the one that will have an impact, or create a feeling.  The one that will make their eyes light up or be the gift that they will remember for a long time.  

If you have been struggling to find that perfect gift for someone special on your Christmas list this year…I’m pleased to tell you your search is over.  I have the answer for you.  

Let me give you a little background into how I stumbled upon this perfect gift.  

Over the past few months I have been personally working with several companies to assist them with team building.  We’ve focused on the importance of morale, pride and spirit for creating a sense of team.  When these three elements are present in an organization, productivity is high, relationships are strong & it’s fun to go to work.  Without high morale, pride & spirit, the situation is very different…people tend to feel dissatisfied, lethargic and negative.    

In terms of morale an important component is attitude.  People with high morale are generally positive, optimistic, cooperative and supportive.  

People with pride respect their own and their colleagues’ achievements and believe that whatever they must face, they can collectively and successfully handle it… the feeling of being part of something larger than yourself and the belief that “none of us is as good as all of us”.

In terms of spirit, vigor & energy are vital.  Spirit is animating; it can be contagious, motivational and inspirational.

The best work cultures develop where coworkers recognize that everyone has important value to contribute and everyone collaborates or works together for the good of all.

In order for morale, pride and spirit to flourish, a foundation of trust is essential.  To build trust…people need to get to know one another.  It’s not enough to just say “Hi, how are ya?” in the hallways.  We need to go deeper than that.  It’s valuable for us to know and understand the strengths and skills, the talents and the passions of the people we work with (and our own, too!).   

A critical factor of getting to know one another and for building trust involves appreciation.  It is important for us to show our appreciation for our colleagues’ skills and strengths, talents and passions, because these very people with all of their amazing skills and personalities, make our jobs and our days better and easier.   

Did you know that there are only 2 kinds of people who benefit from appreciation?  Men and women!

Did you also know that appreciation … or rather a lack of it is the number one reason people leave their jobs?

We all want to feel appreciated.  We all want to feel important, valued … that we have something to contribute.  
When we are appreciated, we feel connected.  When we feel connected we develop trust and when we have trust and appreciation…we have a strong sense of team.  

“Appreciation is a wonderful thing:  It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well” – Voltaire.

When we appreciate and celebrate the unique strengths and talents of each individual, we create a successful team identity.  

Appreciation is the glue that binds a team together.  

So I ask you…when was the last time that someone said to you “Thanks for doing such a great job”?  or ‘Thanks for buying my product”? or “Thanks for that information…you really made my day”?

Now think back…when was the last time you said to someone else … “I’m really glad we work together…thanks for what you do”?  

We don’t hear those words or say those words often enough…and yet they are so very powerful.  
It’s easy to do…just follow these simple steps:

1.    Be specific.  Tell someone exactly what it is about them that you appreciate and admire.
2.    Be sincere.  Really mean it!  
3.    Do it often.

Now I imagine you are thinking…how does this translate into the perfect the Christmas gift?  

What if we took this notion of appreciation at work and applied it at home, to our relationships, to our children, our parents and our relatives as well as to our friends?  What if we took some time and thoughtfully put pen to paper to describe exactly what it is we appreciate and admire about those special people in our lives?  What if we told them about the wonderful impact that they have on us and that our lives are richer and blessed because they are part of it?  What if we said “Thank you just for being you”? 

Wouldn’t that be the perfect gift?   

“I love your sense of humor…the way you make me laugh!  It makes me feel so happy.  I think about all the times we’ve laughed together and they make wonderful memories for me”.  Or “Did you know that I appreciate your wisdom?  I can always count on you to help me if I have a problem and that means a lot to me”.   What about “I love the way that you believe in me.  You make me feel like I can do anything…and this gives me strength and courage” or “You are so thoughtful.  All of the little things you do (many of which you think I don’t notice) makes everyone in the family feel important.  We do notice and we are grateful. Thank you.”  

“We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.”  ~Cynthia Ozick

Let them know everything that is wonderful about them, how you feel, why you love them, the benefit that you receive because they are part of your life.  

Imagine the joy you’ll feel in the writing.  And imagine the impact your ‘someone special’ will have when they are reading your words.    

Wrap it up in a pretty box with a big bow.  It becomes a gift to be cherished for years to come.  If your ‘special someone’ is ever having a tough day, he/she can take out your letter and re-read it again and again, each time taking comfort from your words.   

It’s simple.  It’s free.  It’s all about appreciating the people in our lives.  It’s the perfect gift….to give and receive.  

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” ~William Arthur Ward

In the process, as a gift to yourself, I hope you will think about those things you appreciate about yourself, the qualities, skills, talents, passions you are proud of.  When I was a little girl, my father taught me a very valuable life lesson that I have always held dear.  He used to say that we can’t expect others to love us if we don’t love ourselves.  Often we spend so much time dwelling on what we do wrong, or the mistakes we make rather than appreciating the many, many wonderful things that we do right and that we are proud of.  If you find it difficult to do this for yourself…do it as a favor to me.  

Before I sign off, let me tell you about the other goodies you will find in our December newsletter.  

The opposite of finding the perfect gift is receiving the worst gift!  I stumbled upon an article in the New York Times where readers submitted stories about the worst gifts they ever received.  I’ve included a few of those stories in our second article as well as the link to the website.  I hope you find them as amusing as I did.  :)

Also, our very own Elizabeth Smith recently completed some training on effectively treating trauma.  She shares some of her learning with us in her article below.  It is very interesting reading.  

You will also find a great article from Brad Bodnarchuk, our lead Addictions Counsellor all about the great expectations surrounding the holiday season and taking care of yourself.    

As you scroll down through the newsletter, make sure to go the very bottom of the page.  There you will find a small token of appreciation and chance for us to say a huge THANK YOU to all of our clients.  Please find a coupon for $20.00 off your next appointment.   This can be used anytime during December or January.  Thank you again for your support, your encouragement and for your business.

If you haven't signed up for our monthly newsletter yet...it's easy and you can do it right here on our website. 
 
And finally, a last bit of news that I wanted to share with you.  I’m excited to be going into the recording studio next week to record a guided visualization (which is a wonderful tool for relaxation and stress management).  

As a gift to all of our clients and friends, this will be available on our website (www.penneymurphy.com) beginning in January. You will find it on our “Products – Tools for Change” page located on the left side of our home page.  

You will be able to download it for free to help you relax at home or at work, on your computer or your cell phone.  Guided visualizations are one of my favorite ways to relax, so I am pleased to be able to share this with you.  Enjoy!  

Now, please allow me to take this opportunity to express my sincere appreciation and gratitude for the honor and pleasure of working with you and your families over the past year.  We value our relationship with you and look forward to working with you in the year to come. From all of us at Penney Murphy & Associates may you enjoy a very happy Holiday Season and a New Year filled with peace and prosperity.
Wishing you a December bright with joy and rich memories.  May you all receive your perfect gift.  Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah!

Be good to yourself and those you love.
Kindest thoughts,
Penney

Penney Murphy
B.A., B.S.W., M.S.W., R.S.W.
President / Owner

 
 

Happy November Everyone!

Perhaps it’s timely with Remembrance Day on the horizon that I’ve been thinking a lot about courage lately, about what it means and how/ where it dwells.  
 
Courage seems to mean different things to different people and as a result there are a number of definitions of courage.
Here are two that I found that resonate with me:   

Courage is the mental and emotional preparedness and ability to deal with difficult, challenging, and sometimes seemingly impossible circumstances. It is the ability to confront fear, pain, danger, uncertainty, intimidation and other threats. ~ Unknown

Courage is a moral quality; it is not a chance gift of nature like an aptitude for games. It is a cold choice between two alternatives, the fixed resolve not to quit; an act of renunciation which must be made not once but many times by the power of the will. Charles Wilson, 1st Baron Moran, The Anatomy of Courage (1967).

As if in keeping with the multiple definitions, courage seems to take multiple forms.
 
There are the very public examples of courage that the men and women of our military past and present display on a daily basis as they are subjected to the realities of war.  They face their own individual fears, and selflessly risk their lives in order to fight for the greater good.   

It is also courage that the families of our military show as they send their children, their mothers and their fathers off to distant lands in the hope of making the world a safer, better place with no guarantee of their return.  

I think about our police officers and our fire fighters and the courage necessary in their role as protectors as they never know what dangers lurk in the next shift.  I imagine this is true for their families as well.
 
I am grateful for the chance to honor this courage and to show our thanks for these sacrifices with Remembrance Day.  

But I believe courage also lives and breathes in less public venues, peering around corners, waiting only to be summoned.  

We all face times of crisis, of dismay, sadness and fear.  This is a universal fact.  
And yet, when it happens to us personally, we can feel very much alone.  

I’m referring to those times of self-doubt, when the internal voice tells us we are in jeopardy, the times when direction doesn’t come easily.  Those times when we face challenges or threats that initially paralyze us.  The occasions or events that cause fear to rise up in our throats like bitter bile.  Or the times when there just doesn’t appear to be a right answer to our problems.
 
I’m talking about times in the middle of the night when you lay awake, feeling vulnerable, the problems of the day magnified, obstacles seemingly impassible or insurmountable, and uncertainty is wrapped around you like a blanket.

Where does courage dwell at times like these?  Can courage exist where fear abounds? I believe so.  

Writing in 1829, William Ellery Channing noted:

There are seasons, in human affairs, of inward and outward revolution, when new depths seem to be broken up in the soul, when new wants are unfolded in multitudes, and a new and undefined good is thirsted for. There are periods when...to dare, is the highest wisdom.

Eleanor Roosevelt wrote “we gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot”.

It is my belief that courage lives within each of us.  Perhaps we don’t recognize it in the moment, but more so after the fact, once fear and threats have passed.  But it is there nonetheless, significant and strong.
 
Courage is what drives us and gives us determination to find the answers we desperately seek, no matter how painful.  

Courage is with us in that millisecond when we push fear aside, even if only momentarily, so that we may regain faith in ourselves.  

Courage allows us to hope and trust that we will get through, that we will be okay.   

Courage accompanies us when we make the decision to do the right thing even in the face of opposition.
 
It is courage that stands beside us, with a reassuring hand on our shoulder, as we do what at times seems to be the most difficult task of all…to ask for help when we can no longer manage alone.  

It is in that very moment when we decide to face our fears rather than being defeated by them, when we somehow gather the strength to move forward that courage raises its head, and makes its presence known.  When faced with fear, to do something, to do anything, in decision or in action takes courage.  We are all courageous in our own way.
 
Some courage is recognized publically, while for many others, courage is quietly and privately understood and appreciated as the desire and ability to hold our heads up with confidence in times of trouble and to simply do the best we can.  

In the words of the late great John Wayne “Courage is being scared to death... and saddling up anyway”.

This November may you join me in paying tribute to those courageous souls who fight for our freedom, protection and way of life and to the families who love them.

And if by chance you are faced with your own private battles, may you saddle up confident in the knowledge that you are courageous and that you are not alone.  

I leave you now with the words of Mary Anne Radmacher:

“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow”.

Take care of yourself and those you love.

Kindest Regards,
Penney

Penney Murphy
B.A., B.S.W., M.S.W., R.S.W.
President/Owner
Penney Murphy & Associates
Registered Counsellors and Consultants
 

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Happy October Everyone!

I am so very pleased to tell you that our new website is up and running.
I do hope you will take a moment during your busy day to check us out
at www.penneymurphy.com. You can meet our team members, find out
about all of the services we offer…you can even book an appointment on our
website or on your cellphone! The website is filled with color and has plenty
of pictures to delight your senses. I do hope you enjoy it!

Speaking of delighting your senses, I’m sure you will agree with me that
our province is a place of undeniable natural beauty. Each and every
season offers up an absolute treat for the senses. I think about the smell
of freshness when our spring finally arrives and the flora comes to life with
seemingly a million different shades of green. Summer delivers the warmth
we dream of in the dark depths of winter, our blue sky seems enormous, the
days are long and bright color decorates our yards, planters and gardens.
Even those picturesque winter mornings when ice crystals are in the air and
everything is covered in hoar frost encourage a sense of awe. But in my
mind, there is no more beautiful time than fall in Saskatchewan.

I suspect that all of the other months in the year are envious of October
as it luxuriates in the front end of the fall season and wraps us up in it’s
resplendent cape of scarlet, auburn, gold, and crimson. It’s almost as
if nature offers up the vivid colors of October as a gift to be held close
and treasured, meant to buoy our spirits and carry us through as winter
invariably descends upon us.

Personally, I find a certain comfort in the arrival of October.

The crisp and clean air makes a blazing fireplace seem even more inviting
and a cozy sweater so appealing.

I love the gathering that occurs in October. The way families come together
either at their own tables for a Thanksgiving feast or at the myriad of fall
suppers in the community halls all across our great land.

I love the sharing that takes place when we gather…the sharing of food, of
stories, and laughter and of life. It’s always a good thing when we celebrate
and appreciate each other.

On some level, we all have needs in terms of being accepted, belonging,
and giving and receiving love (according to Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of
Needs) and it is through such events that we are able to satisfy these needs.
When we gather and share we realize a sense of togetherness. And
regardless of what is going on in the world around us, just by being together
we are able to create a sense of security and stability, and the knowledge
that we are okay.

I think the awesome colors of October together with the opportunities
for connection provide the perfect the breeding ground for memories to
be made. And, in my opinion, it is through these memories that comfort
comes. Our senses are heightened as not only do we recall the pleasant
events, but we remember the sights and sounds and the smells as well.

When it comes to Octobers past, I can easily recall the many happy
Thanksgiving dinners as a child spent at my Nana’s house. The wonderful
and savory aromas of the food would be the first thing enjoyed upon entry.
The tiny kitchen would be hot; the windows steamy from all of the pots
on the stove and the table would be overflowing with all of our favorite
dishes. We would spend hours sitting and talking and laughing long after
the meal was finished, delighting in each other’s company. The world was a
wonderful, loving and safe place. Sometimes the memories are so clear that
it seems like only yesterday.

Other October memories for me include some early snow falls and some
late ones. The unmistakable sound of leaves crunching under foot and the
absolute delight found in rolling in that pile of leaves that had only moments
before been so carefully gathered up. The mouth-watering bite into the first
MacIntosh apple of fall. The carving of pumpkins, the costumes and the
thrill of running door to door as a child collecting Halloween goodies and yes,
in some cases, the fun of Halloween pranks which I admit I am guilty of. I
remember lazy October Sundays bathed in the warmth of the sun, relaxed
drives in the country, the lights of combines at night and farmers working
hard in the fields, the beauty of ducks, geese and deer everywhere.

I’m sure you have many October memories just as vivid as mine.

The good news is that only do our memories provide us with pleasure and
comfort… but according to a UK study reminiscing is associated with overall
well-being, and increased levels of happiness. Researchers at the University
of Georgia found that reminiscing is helpful in terms of maintaining a stable
self-identity. Furthermore, recalling a pleasant memory can improve
concentration and lessen anxiety.

“Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never
want to lose”. ~From the television show The Wonder Years

I hope the month of October brings with it many opportunities for you not
only to recall pleasant memories but also to make new ones.

Take care of yourself and those you love.

Kindest Regards,

Penney