by Wendy Monks-Janzen, Registered Psychologist (Prov)

Relationship Needs and Expectations


In intimate relationships with our partner, we sometimes feel that our spouse isn’t meeting our needs. Sometimes one partner begins to feel that no matter what I do, I am not good enough. Perhaps though, it is not a matter of unmet needs, but misdirected expectations.


Do you rely on your partner or expect them to be the person who provides you comfort, consoles you, is there to listen, to encourage you, or to build your confidence, or be the person you spend your leisurely time with?


Sometimes we can begin to expect that our partner needs to meet ALL of our needs or be the individual who provides the MOST in the support we receive.


Can you feel the burden of the pressure of the never-ending requests or to be the best in all areas?

Sometimes we need a reminder of all the other individuals in our lives who provide us support and who can also meet some of our needs.


When we utilize all the strengths of our support network, we prevent relationship burnout. Perhaps one friend you can enjoy your hobbies with, or another friend who unconditionally listens.


It is not necessarily that your partner isn’t meeting your needs, but that you are utilizing the strengths of others in various areas—just like when those in your life ask for your help in various ways, you also provide your strengths as requested.

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