Have you ever been in a situation when you got advice but all you wanted was to vent? Or vise versa? Our Registered Social Worker Katarina Schmidt has something to tell us on the subject.
Are you wanting advice or to vent?
In my personal and professional life, I frequently hear a similar topic of frustration from folks. This frustrating point may sound familiar to you in your life as well.
The point of frustration I am referring to is about getting the response (or not) that you are looking for during a conversation.
Have you ever been talking with someone about something going on in your life and they responded by giving you their ideas of solutions? Or, on the opposite side hearing “I just want you to listen, not fix it!” when you try to offer solutions.
Well, this is VERY common, and although it can be frustrating, we know where it comes from in either example – everyone just wants to help.
The person listening to you talk about something is trying to be helpful by giving you solutions so that you can feel better.
On the opposite end you may be doing the same by giving your friend, partner, or family member advice so they can feel better.
So, what’s the problem if this is coming from a good place, one genuinely trying to help the other?
Sometimes people, including ourselves, just want to talk things out to feel heard, and that in itself is enough for us to feel better.
If that is the case but the other person or ourselves are doing their best to give advice or solve the problem, we can feel completely unheard.
So, what’s the solution?
State your needs, or ask for theirs.
A simple “I’m not looking for solutions right now, I just need to vent and get this off my chest”, or asking “Are you looking to vent, or do you want my advice?”
By doing this, you and the other person in the conversation know exactly what each other needs, which allows for both parties to meet those needs. No more guessing involved!
- Katarina Schmidt MSW. RSW
This is really good, Kat! By stating our intentions and our needs up front…it’s so much easier to have them met.
Kat has her Masters degree and is a Registered Social Worker. She specializes in the following areas:
– Panic Attacks
– Self Confidence
– Self Esteem
– Self Compassion
– Complex Trauma
– Bipolar Disorder
– ADHD (Attention-Deficit / Hyperactivity Disorder)
– ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder)
– FASD (Fetal alcohol spectrum disorders)
– Mental Health Issues
– Communication Issues
– And More!
Kat offers Individual sessions for Adults.
Cheers to knowing what we want,